I am sitting here trying to figure out what I can write and beat my personally imposed deadline of a monthly blog. It is New Year’s Eve, and I am at a lose for words. I was so excited for 2020 because it marked some significant milestones including Isabelle’s high school graduation and beginning college.👩🏻‍🎓 I remember when she was a baby and trying to envision who she would be in the future.🧐 It felt so Space Odyssey – Out There and today we are about to say goodbye to this year, and I do not think there is anyone on the planet who is sad to see 2020 go.👎🏻 The year started out with a lot of promise and quickly turned into a really big sh-t storm. 💩💩💩 Who would have thought this will be the year that will probably go down in history? I remember learning about Polio, Scarlet Fever, and the Bubonic Plague – it was unimaginable that this could happen today and voila… here we are. 🙌🏻 I have a newfound respect for old people who can remember significant history points with such detail. If I am so lucky to live to be 100+, I will have no recall because this year was a complete blur. 😷 There are months that blew by and I could not tell you with any specificity what happened.🤔 As a matter of fact, I had to check my phone several times today to remember what the day was… in case you care… it is Thursday.👻

Anyways, I want to keep this upbeat and believe it is important to point out that many good things happened this year and I definitely need to acknowledge my gratitude for the gifts of 2020.

1. Time with Isabelle – not that she would agree this is a positive aspect. One of the areas of deep regret was that when she was growing up – I worked too much and could have been more present. I was angry at myself for the time I lost. Now I feel we have rectified this regret to the point that she is ready to run out of the house – DONE– had enough of mommy. 🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️It was fun while it lasted as she will be moving on campus next month and one already setting the stage that she will see me at the end of the semester. Not interested in visits from me – she disguises it as not wanting to put me at risk with the virus – but mommy KNOWS.😘 It is ok …she did a lot better than I would have in her situation. Be free baby bird … fly>>>🐥🐣🦅

• Freshman Experience – I was able to kind of relive my college days and attend classes sort of. What I really mean is that I eavesdrop pretending to clean the kitchen (no I was) and also learn new things. 🙋🏻‍♀️ Isabelle’s course work revolves around social justice, history, and topics truly relevant for today’s time. I learned and gained an open perspective based on these courses. I even was able to tell the professor in front of the class how much I enjoyed the semester. In reality I did not realize the camera was on and the everyone saw me dance by and I had to immediately go into damage control… I think I played it off… wait not sure?🤦🏻‍♀️

• Cooking – I never in the past understood the interest and appeal of hanging out in the kitchen, cutting vegetables, and then cleaning up a big mess. 🥣🥄🍴🥢🍳Since the pandemic, I get it now. I enjoy the creative process of developing yummy meals. I am so brilliant that I almost prefer what I make over restaurants. Wow … that is a big statement. One disclaimer – I leave Indian food to the pros. Other than that,… I have really expanded my culinary experiences and I like it. Watch out coming to a Food Channel near you… Streamline Kitchen with Risa… I am a wiz at using as few of pans and making the least amount of mess as possible. I think I am on to something…👩🏻‍🍳

• The Girls – With the onset of the pandemic, everyone and their brother adopted dogs and gained a piece of magic that I have known for years. I love Ella and Laura and they have been the best little companions through a year of uncertainty. The daily walks, evening snuggles and general annoyance of their whining for cookies made things seem like everything was going to work out. As I write this blog, they are sacked out on the couch and snoring… ooh I feel the need for a short break to squeeze two pugs – the best. Ok, I am back – that was totally fulfilling.🐶🐶❤️

• Nature – Mother nature absolutely thrived as the world slowed down. Nothing is better than taking a run and hearing the birds chirp, leaves on the trees rustle, quietness and clean air. 🌸🌳☀️It felt like we went back to basics as I passed people taking walks with their families and just being aligned with the outdoors. I never saw so many animals and birds together – it was like they got the memo it was safe to come back out and enjoy. I hope this does not change once the world gets back to its crazy busy self again.🌼🌍

• Slippers – I just love staying at home and wearing whatever combination I choose that day. The other day, I was daydreaming about fuzzy slippers and debating if I should expand my collection.🧸 Only in 2020 could that have happened. Equipped with my new wardrobe of velour, sherpa, multiple slippers and anything stretchy – I am in heaven, it is so nice. Last week, I had to actually go to a real meeting in person and it felt weird to slip into trousers and a jacket. I think I am going to have to charge a premium on my hourly rate when I have to get dressed – I am just saying… high heel pumps I do not miss you at all.👠❌

• Strength/Resilience – Although our lives were hampered quite a bit, I am marching out of this year feeling stronger and having the confidence that Isabelle and I can weather pretty much anything thrown at us. 💪🏻 It takes a lot of discipline to just stay home and hold a high bar to keep the community safe. We had to sacrifice including cancelling an amazing trip to CA, forgoing family dinners/holidays etc.… because it was the right and safe thing to do. I am not going to lie; I am a bit sick of all of this but proud that we made lemonade out of lemons.🍋 We turned a room in the house into a gym, creatively started a business in a virtual environment and created memorable and positive moments at home. 👩‍👦❤️

• Health/Safety – I am very thankful that my family, friends, and community were able to stay relatively safe. In a year where we lost a substantial number of lives (too many) and watching people struggling just to stay afloat, this blessing is not lost on me. I am disappointed that politics got in the way and we are a nation so divided when all we needed to do was come together for each other. With that being said, I also witnessed great acts of kindness and a new state of innovation and creativity. In the end, I wish all those who were not as fortunate as me a path forward with much love, peace, health, hope and a stimulus check.✌🏻🌈💵💰

I guess 2020 did not work out as we all had envisioned but I always think it is important to recognize the silver lining and look for the positive. It was a year of self-reflection and a call for us to slow down and get back to our true center. I believe many of us listened and are all the better for it. Wishing everyone an incredibly happy and healthy New Year. May 2021 be full of freedom, tolerance, health, community, and economic balance. Peace and 💕

It has been 266 days since I started my official shut in at home. During the year, I have more time to get to know myself better and move into major observation mode. The last time I went through this phase was back in college at Michigan State.👩🏻‍🎓 I know I drove my best friend Marla crazy when I would provide commentary on the stupidest stuff.🗣 I guess you could call me a trend setter since this was pre-Seinfeld. If you ask me, I think it is an endearing quality and a good way to lighten up the mood as tension floats through the country these days. So here we go with some fun… 🥳

• Face Mask – There was something I always suspected but the face mask has brought it to the forefront which is my ears are attached weirdly to my head.🦻🏻 I just cannot keep the elastic around my ears on properly even though I have tried multiple styles and options. One ear seems to fold – it is just strange and keeps me from wearing a mask too long without slippage. It is like you are going along doing your business than the elastic slides off and my face mask is hanging off one ear. It almost feels like I flashed someone – where is my trench coat?🙀

• Tom Selleck – Robin and I had this agreement that if the opportunity presented itself, we had a list of stars that we could have a one-night stand and get a free pass in the marriage.👻No backlash just a fantastic rendezvous that would never be mentioned again. 🤭 One of my favorite leading men on the list was Tom Selleck. He was just so manly, handsome, strong, and sensitive at the same time – he was the perfect person to be on the F-CK List. To my dismay, I was watching television and a commercial for reverse mortgages came on (it was long too) and Tom was the spokesperson and really trying to push this horrible idea. What a sexual turnoff, my crush is perfectly situated in senior citizen community now – why Tom? Why did you have to do that commercial? I guess the truth is I am free and clear to be with anyone now – no list needed (a little widow humor – ha ha) 🤗

• A New Sport – Since I have been home, I am intrigued with letting no food go to waste at whatever cost. Now this is a responsible move for the environment and the budget, however, I think I am taking it to the next level. The other day, I made a salad that I would have totally sent back had I ordered it at a restaurant. The lettuce was suspiciously browning, the onion had seen better days ( a little mushy), a cucumber with a slight amputation was well positioned amongst the other vegetables.🥬🥒 I was proud of this salad; ate it and enjoyed every minute knowing I saved my produce. The other day, I used raspberry jam and noticed that the expiration date was November 2019 (it seemed fine). 🍓What is going on with me? I think I have turned into one of those dumpster divers that find discarded food that has been thrown away. Yikes – but it is kind of fun. I am now exploring composting too.

• Hipster – I like Kombucha tea and have fallen into that poser category. At first, I had a bad one and did not understand what the Generation Y community were raving about… But then I was listening to the podcast How I Built That (love) and heard an interesting story about the founder of Health-Ade. She actually was trying to invent a hair growth shampoo 💇🏻‍♀️– it’s a long story. I saw the bottles on the shelf and have been hooked ever since. I love Health-Ade Kombucha tea (Pomegranate or Pink Lady). It is so bubbly, light and uplifting and makes me happy. Who would have thought?💜💜

• I will do it myself! – Through the pandemic, I have experimented with online grocery shopping and for the first time, this is where artificial intelligence needs to take this job over cause the humans are not cutting it.👎🏻Every time I order through the website and spend extra time to ensure that I am clear and specific of my needs, there is always a significant error. Usually it involves forgetting some of the key items that I needed to go shopping for in the first place. I was making the dogs their food and the store forgot to put in the meat – yet they did not forget to charge me. It does not matter what store I go to, always the same outcome. After delivery, I have to conduct a thorough inventory of the food and it is a sure thing that there is something not in the bag. Also, I think the store employees are encouraged to pick out the worst looking fruit and vegetables that are available in the stand. I received a cauliflower that had brown on the tips of it or a saggy looking lettuce.🥦I was like “really” this is the best one you could find for an additional $6.95? Little do they know that I have a new hobby (please see above). I have finally decided I will just throw on my mask and risk it at the store. Online grocery shopping has blown it with me.☹️

• Velour obsession – It is no secret that I love soft fabric and have proclaimed that I no longer am wearing uncomfortable material. Yet I think I am going a little too extreme with my new old friend velour. I was first introduced to this stretchy fabric (or my first memories) in seventh grade. My mom bought me the coolest pants from Ala Mode (the trendiest store in Oak Park, MI for teen girls) or at least what I thought. They were blue and soft and may have had a satin stripe down the side. I rocked them for bar/bat mitzvahs and school dances.🕺🏻I felt alive in them until they were cast aside because they were out of style. Actually, I do not know what happened to them. Anyways not important, well for the past two years, I have been dabbling in velour when available online. I even wore my blue velour outfit to Thanksgiving and my daughter Isabelle made a snarky comment that I looked very Juicy Couture. That was an insult I guess… still love them but need to slow my roll since I now have about 5+ pairs of pants and assorted tops. I think I went a little overboard.😬😬👖👖

So that is what has been happening in November for me. I am glad that I was able to share the eclectic list of things on my mind. I know it is a deep and thought provoking or NOT! ❌ I guess self-isolation maybe getting to me or I can find humor in the situation and not take things too seriously. 😂😂 I prefer the second explanation. There are still many months ahead of us as we get beyond the pandemic and need to lighten up and ride it a little longer. 🏂Everyone is getting crabby and we need to make it through home stretch. I hope I brought a smile and a little laughter to your day. 😜Wishing everyone a happy December – stay safe and healthy!❤️

As you may have picked up in the theme of my postings, I have been doing a lot of cleaning, reorganizing, and purging.🧹So, it would not surprise you to hear that a few nights ago, I went into my closet and realized that it was filled to the brim with clothes, shoes, and accessories.👚👖👠🎩👡👜👓 I always prided myself on my style and that most of my pieces stood the test of time, however reality set in at about 10:30 p.m. last night, my clothing looked tired and outdated.🥱 I decided it was time to tackle the closet as it made no sense that it was completely full and most of the stuff had been not worn in years. I mean… I wear the same thing every day. And that would be leggings and a sweatshirt (the official outfit of the COVID season 2020 – wait who am I kidding – it is just my official outfit PERIOD) – SOOO comfy…💜

As I pulled items off the hanger into a pile, every piece of clothes had a story.📘 Some represented my time in corporate America. I said bye-bye to conservative cardigans made of that weird fabric that felt kind of nylonl-ly and I think could have been water resistant.💦 Anything from Talbots, J. Crew and J. Jill had to go – they were not part of my future consulting career.🚫 I remember all those days where I was in the office for 12 hours, tired out of my mind and completely uncomfortable. Next went the suits – boxy blazers and wool pants that always made me feel like a man.🕵🏻‍♂️ They reminded me of the times where I had to give presentations to the leaders, expecting challenging questions and reasons why not to move forward on creative solutions to differentiate our business and win in the market. Goodbye to dusters (long sweaters) that I thought hid my butt but mostly called attention to it.🍔 I cruised through my shoes – pumps that dug into my toes, pointy heels that I always fell from and twisted my ankle. High heels that made me walk like Frankenstein… that was sexy….👠 As a side commentary, why are work clothes awful?… no more for me, only stretchy and soft. Let us pray for virtual work forever – woo hoo 🥳

After tackling the low hanging fruit so to speak, next came the more emotional decisions. It started with the dress I wore to Isabelle’s bat mitzvah such a wonderful memory full of pride, family and fun and then the black dress I wore to bury my husband… a memory that is just a blur. 😢 Then there were the jeans I bought after beating cancer that I wanted to get back into and I was close, but I realized they are super dated, and I would not wear them anyways.🤦🏻‍♀️ I vetted out endless black and grey sweaters that looked the same, as well as any material that I deemed not soft enough to my new standards. The pile continued to get larger and the tears kept streaming.😭 I was not only cleaning out my closet, but I was clearing out my life.⛅️ It was the realization that my early years were gone, and it was represented through the clothes I wore. This wardrobe exercise was a talking to me, and I was finally listening.🦻🏻 Boy … a joint would have been fabulous at that moment (I mean so I heard… not that I would know)✌🏻🚬

Yet I also recognized, hanging onto material things that are tied to the past is tiring and was starting to hold me back. I want to remember all the good times and just have less. The other thought is that maybe just maybe this is me closing a door on a chapter of my life.🚪 The truth is that Robin and I are a memory and being a corporate employee is also probably in the rear-view mirror… Although I am extremely excited as I am moving forward, it was a heart wrenching realization as I sobbed sitting in the closet. I was actually clearing out my emotional cobwebs that I had attached to my wardrobe.🕸Although this turned into a much more of a weepy process than I would have guessed – it was cathartic. Hanging on to stuff does not make the memories stay or go away – it is just clutter.🙈 So, I stuffed 4 garbage bags that will be donated to Salvation Army tomorrow. Now, I have open space eager to be selectively filled with a few new items that will represent the future …I am HOPEFUL and look forward to a little more color this time.💛🧡❤️💙💚 Peace out and do not forget to VOTE – it matters.👍🏻

Yom Kippur also known as the Day of Atonement is considered the holiest day of the year in Judaism. The gist of this holiday is that we review the previous year and ask for forgiveness for our personal sins. On Yom Kippur, our fate is sealed for the upcoming year. I have always taken this time very seriously for obvious reasons including – the stakes are really HIGH- ha-ha. 🙏🏻But in all seriousness, I appreciated digging in deep and taking stock of the year and rectifying any wrongs along the way. 🤔 However, this year my priorities and focus were vastly different. I do not know if I am falling away from religion a little or it is just the 2020 Effect! ⚗️ So, here is my true confession, I spent Yom Kippur cleaning my cupboards and getting organized.💁🏻‍♀️Maybe one reason could be that I was sick of buying diced tomatoes and then coming home to realize that I have 20 cans stashed in different places.🍅 I guess introspection this year of sins committed involved acknowledgement of my poor Kanban skills🥫🥫🥫🥫 (Lean manufacturing concept of keeping track of inventory – in case you were curious – I know you were!)

This new fascination with tidying up was inspired at first by Marie Kondo, a star organizer who helps you find joy with your possessions. 🤗Her methodology got old fast with me as I held a can of mushrooms wondering if they made me sparkle.🧚🏿‍♀️Therefore, I transitioned to my next Netflix addiction called “Getting Organized – The Home Edit.” This team of bubbly celebrity organizers have a wide breadth of offerings like helping Rachel Zoe organize her overflowing closet (she had a lot of stuff – it made me hyperventilate👡👜🕶👗) or getting kitchen pantries in order with matching bins and calligraphy labels. I long for this duo to come over and help me. I had visions of running to the Container Store and buy their overpriced line of cannisters and Lucite shoe boxes. But then … reality hit me; 1. We are in the middle of a global pandemic and 2. There was no way I could afford their services. Reese Witherspoon and Risa Borr do not roll in the same socioeconomic circles. Yet being resourceful as I am … I quickly moved to OPTION B, which included ordering knockoff containers from Amazon, using my own penmanship on labels, and incorporating their concepts to recreate highly functional kitchen cabinets.🙅🏻

I have always struggled with organization, trying all types of approaches such as alphabetizing food, can size and color coding, which never survived more than 2 days hence deemed not sustainable. The Home Edit team helped me think about my needs and broaden categories like, tomato products, beans, rice, and it is working out brilliantly. 🍱🍅🥕It has been 72 hours and still being maintained. My 8 cans of garbanzo beans are lined up neatly and I only purchased items that I needed such as sliced beets. I would say that is a huge win.👯‍♂️👯‍♂️👯‍♂️

Ok …back to the deeper question, why am I avoiding my religion and moving towards a new form of prayer meaning food organization and naming conventions? To be honest, there has been a gradual migration that began after Robin died. I just could not find the answers from Judaism of why such a fabulous young guy would exit this life so early. ☹️I mean there is free will and we all know Robin did not have the best diet (he and I own that) and he was sarcastic as hell (in a cute way), … 🥰but all and all – he was a GREAT PERSON and deserves to still be here. It has been hard for me at times to really understand why the good die young. Billy Joel nailed it.

To fulfill my hunger for answers, I moved towards spirituality which has provided me the greatest clarity and direction. ➡️⬆️ I see that there is a bigger world and a connection with the divine, our deceased loved ones and nature. 🗝It is very comforting to know that we are in this together and maybe Robin in a sense is just in another room and supporting Isabelle and I from a different realm.😇This is what has given me hope and gratitude to move forward. I am inspired to continue to grow, explore and do better. Therefore, I try to be kind and helpful to others every day and hope that g-d in turn will forgive me for not fasting on Yom Kippur and choosing to organize my kitchen. 😬🙄As an aside, it was super rewarding and felt divine like… if that matters.🥳

And then there is 2020 which has not really motivated religious pursuits or much of anything else. What a crappy year- no matter how you look at it. There is so much hate, fear and gotchas around every corner. Social media and politics have not helped by spewing narrow views and hate causing great divides amongst us all … Ugh. As I watch the world around me fall apart with the pandemic, a segregated nation, environmental decline, natural disasters and death, I believe this whole organizing obsession I have taken to is really a way for me to hide in my little bubble until this negativity passes. 👀 I pray for positive change and a true leader who can unite us soon (strategic plug for everyone to vote). 🗳So, I guess the best thing I can do now is to organize and make sure my pasta, tea and spices are in order because that is what I can control today.🤞🏻Wishing everyone a Happy and Healthy New Year. May all of you be inscribed in the Book of Life and may the 2020 Effect be behind us soon bringing peace, hope and many organized closets.✌🏾❤️🌈🧹

Well another day in this crazy year called 2020. As many of you may know, MSU postponed freshman moving into the dorms and all the classes are online. This is not a decision that I disagree with as campuses around the country are experiencing surges in the virus. Nothing sounds like a bigger bummer than being in isolation in a small dorm room with no air-condition.🤒 Obviously, it was a major disappointment for Isabelle and her fellow schoolmates. This was the one announcement I had dreaded being that she has been such a good sport about missing the last quarter of her senior year, prom, summer frolicking with friends etc… but feared this would take her over the edge. 🤬Luckily, she has managed it fairly well. and I would say 85% of the time she was fine and 15% truly upset and becoming numb to bad news.☔️ This is hard as a parent to watch and still have the answers or encouraging words to make things better. I have stopped already and just keep saying – we have been through worse – it will work out. I want to move the sun, moon, and stars for her; 🌞🌚⭐️I want her to have an amazing germy freshman year as we all enjoyed when we were her age. 🍷💃🏻💋🎸And of course, this story will unfold over the next few months

However, I also want to switch topics to another person affected – that would be ME and all the unrecognized parents of young adults who just continue to take it on the chin for our kids.🙅🏻‍♀️I love my daughter with all my heart, and she has been my greatest joy and I thank g-d every day for having her in my life. She reminds me of Robin, and I am so proud of her yada yada yada … but I WAS READY FOR HER TO GO TO COLLEGE.🖐🏻I had big dreams and visions of what the next chapter of my life would look like which mainly involved – interior decoration and cleanliness in my home.🤸🏼‍♂️🎬Here was my list on how I was going to approach her departure and celebrate my new empty nest status.🎉

My List

1. Make sure she was moved in well and her dorm room was cute, well stocked with all the things she would need such as cleaning supplies, storage, hand vacuum, nice bedding etc. 🧾
2. Develop a communication strategy where I was not bugging her too much, but also knew she was ok and prepared to be successful in school and socially. 😁
3. Begin an intense cleaning in the home – focusing on her bedroom and bathroom. Box up childhood memorabilia (we talked about it and she was ok) and turn it into a big girl room finally.🧹🧽
4. Fumigation of upstairs carpet or maybe even changing it since she had a few mishaps with nail polish and other unidentified stains. And recently I let Ella and Laura (the pugs) upstairs for about 10 minute which was not a wise decision that forever has wrecked my carpet.💩☠️
5. Purge all high school knick-knacks that I was unsure were important or not – such as notebooks, bent poster board invites to a junior dance, decorations for St. Patrick’s Day, key chains, folders etc.👀
6. Rejoice in only having to run the dishwasher once a night and cleaning the kitchen less than 5 times a day. Not being surprised and angered with sticky finger residue left on cabinet handles and the refrigerator. Significant reduction in the purchase of Windex to help with monthly expenses and the environment.🖐🏻🖐🏻🖐🏻
7. No more picking up empty water bottles and discarded towels left on the floor that were used for an intense workout – even after constantly pleading with her to stop doing that. 🍼
8. Date and be a total slut – bringing home strange men every night without judgement (well maybe from the pugs). Ha – just joking – wanted to see if you were really reading this or not – let me know. Well maybe just kidding a little – I mean Covid has been a long isolation.👠

I have cherished my time with Isabelle as I have written previously but there is a process where your teens are ready to leave and they just do not make you feel great about yourself anymore.😕 It starts with the eye rolls and then the flinching when you try to touch them. 🙄😬 No longer are the days where you can snuggle and play with their hair without receiving an utterly repulsed reaction from them.🤮It is a sad state when I find myself hugging a kissing my elephant stuffed animal for my bed. 🐘To be honest, the pugs do not like the kissing and hugging too much either. 🐶🐶Ok back to Isabelle and teenagers, they start talking back and not respecting you anymore and quite honestly it is bad for our self-esteem. 👅Isabelle tells me to stop being so needy of reinforcement of my parenting skills. The other day she said that she admires my career and work ethic. Initially, I thought that was nice then I was like… are you kidding me? I have been awesome at keeping the wheels on this bus. I have served as mother, father, confident, provider, emotional support, cancer survivor and most of all keeping faith and hope alive when we were kicked in the ass by life. 🦹🏻‍♀️ So, you know what… go fly my little bird 🦅…. it is time!!! AND YET IT IS NOT…

Ok… I was venting a little – sorry about that…. but us parents of seniors in 2020 have taken a beating too. 🤕 All in all, it is going to work out just fine. I mean on the bright side, I now can relive my freshman year at MSU with my new roomie – Isabelle Borr.👩‍👦We can hang out, study/work together, play Trivial Pursuit and get drunk on Bacardi listening to the Go-Go’s. 🥃🎧🥁 Those were the days – I wonder what they will be like reinvented in 2020. Yes, I am a 54-year-old freshman again and I will let you know how it goes.. Go State!!!💚🤍💚🤍

It is hard to believe that Robin has been gone for two years now. 😇 In some cases, it feels like yesterday and other times it seems like a lifetime ago. When I look back, the pictures are outdated, and I am forced to revisit some less than flattering hair and clothing choices – ha-ha. 👢👛The one thing I know for sure is that I am different person than I was even two years ago. Sometimes, I guess it takes a great loss to push you out of that comfort zone and evolve. Trust me if I could, I would bring Robin back in half a second. I am disappointed in myself that I took him for granted at times not realizing the hole in my heart it would leave when he was gone.💔However, in other ways, I had to put my big girl pants on and make some long-term choices. I did not want to wither away and die, I was compelled to show my daughter that life goes on. While Robin is not with us now, we should be grateful for the time we did have him even if it was too short.⌛️ He was special in that kind of sarcastic, smart, humble, funny, and charming way. Yet, the area he stood the strongest was possessing a moral compass that always pointed True North.🧭 He was a good guy and pushed Isabelle and me to be the best we could be.🥇

Time does heal and I must say I have a different outlook on life today and it is for the better. However, I never really knew what it was in formal terminology until I heard a podcast discussing Post Traumatic Growth. I was aware of Post Traumatic Syndrome but was pleasantly surprised to learn about a framework around what I was experiencing. It sounds silly but there were times that maybe I was just going mad a bit – glad to hear that I am growing and not needing to be taken to a psychiatric ward.🚑 Ok back to the concept because I know you are in deep suspense. Here is the list of positive outcomes otherwise known as PTG.

1. Embracing new opportunities – both at the personal and the professional fronts. 🙋🏻‍♀️

2. Improved personal relationships and increased pleasure derived from being around people we love.👻

3. A heightened sense of gratitude toward life altogether.🥳

4. Greater spiritual connection.🧚🏻‍♂️

5. Increased emotional strength and resilience.💪🏻

Wow…. the professor went on to say most people do not experience all five … but guess what? …. I do!!!!! This is almost as good as my new FICO score (yes – I did it too- I have Excellent credit). Wait, I digress but needed to add that in and could not find an appropriate time. As I review my last two years, it is like I am a textbook case. For example, embracing new opportunities – I decided early on to enjoy new experiences including different kinds of exercising, floating in that water pod, studying spirituality, taking vacations, and just recently starting my own consulting firm. And did I mention…. I can do burpees now (immensely proud of that achievement).🩱💦

Regarding improving personal relationships – I have been selective on who I want in my life and in some cases NOT. It has been liberating and I find that I am much more present now and do enjoy those in my life. Many friendships have gone to a deeper level and honestly feel fortunate on how well I have been supported. The “widow-thing” has NOT been a big problem – thank g-d… I do not rock being a third wheel very well and luckily everyone has been super considerate. 🍷

Point three and four – a heightened sense of gratitude toward life altogether and a greater spiritual connection have been my most profound changes. I mean it seems counter intuitive but there is something so liberating and makes you really appreciate everything. I used to live in fear all the time and did not value what I had. I suppose that is a by-product of our society and community. In the quest to be the richest, smartest, best-looking etc… it is nice to be off that train ride to hell. 🚀Today I enjoy quiet walks in nature, my friends, family, the pugs and having a lifestyle that is comfortable. I do not need more (well maybe a little more!).💰 I think everyone gets my drift… 🛳 I feel deeply connected to Robin and the universe which I know sounds strange to most folks. Isabelle and I are cloaked in spiritual protection and light – it is undeniably there and feels like a warm hug which I cherish.🥰

And finally, increased emotional strength and resilience. When you lose someone, you do not have a choice especially if you have children. However, I would say it is like a muscle and when you exercise it – you can shoulder whatever comes your way. 🏋🏻‍♂️ I think this has especially been evident with both Isabelle and me during the pandemic. It really has not rattled us at all. Yes, it is getting a little long without not much end in sight, but I have been extremely impressed with the way Isabelle has handled it with a matter of factness and grace. We have decided to turn this into an opportunity to bond at a deeper level (with the exceptions of our fights over cleaning the kitchen).🍳Also, to get healthier by turning a portion of our house into a gym and in her terms “get shredded.“⚔️ In complete honesty, she made that happen and I am taking up little less space but remain a work in progress. 📈

Well, it has certainly been a ride with many ups and downs, yet I feel more confident to maneuver this journey. I am hopeful for the future and believe there has been a purpose for all that has happened. I want us to step up to our potential and be better and do better. And at the same time, I need to honor my main man, who always had the faith in us before we had it in ourselves. Robin, I miss and am inspired by you each and every day… RIP and all of this is because of you.❤️ – cue sappy music… 🎼🎻

Since Mother’s Day and Isabelle’s high school graduation, I have been thinking about my moms, my daughter and that missing link in the middle which is ME. When Robin died, I began to explore the meaning of life and wondering if I was living up to my potential and fulfilling my purpose. It has been a real interesting point in time as I watch Isabelle begin her journey to pursue her passion and wonder where life will lead her. It brings me such pride to see her thrive and realize that she is the best version of Robin and me. She is smart, funny, empathetic, independent, creative and shows emerging leadership skills. I think back when I was her age – and honestly – she would smoke the younger me – no question about it.🔥 This is a great feeling that she is prepared to be successful to maneuver her future. With that being said, as she is moving forward, I have been focusing on discovering the next stage in my life. I must say it is …exciting, scary, stimulating, paralyzing and peaceful. I flow through these feelings like a tidal wave with insufficient surfing skills. 🏄🏻‍♀️🌊

I think about the past a lot when both my mothers were growing up and wonder if they ever had non traditional dreams and if they fulfilled their purpose. Both Beatrice and Lillian were brilliant women who had careers as a French teacher and a Bookkeeper. However their main roles were wives and mothers because that was what the times dictated – and I think they enjoyed it. I mean would they tell me if they did not like being our parents – I guess not? That would be an awkward conversation. 😜 I have no doubt if they grew up now – these women could have conquered the world cause they were bad -asses and wicked smart 😎💪🏻. Now don’t get me wrong, I have done well with my career and hopefully also with as a wife and mother, but I long for more. The problem is that I just don’t quite know what that MORE is…. ugh.🤦🏻‍♀️ As many of you know, I have started to consult and that is fun, gratifying and hopefully has the legs to round out my career. However, I am watching people that are really stepping up during this pandemic either being a front line worker, spending time to solve how to make needed ventilators or vaccines and I am sitting her in my house baking unending chocolate chip cookies. 🍪 I mean really Risa? 😜 Then, I get frusterated that I have limited motivation during a time where I should be kicking my full potential into high gear. Thus, the internal struggle between righteous ambitious Risa 😇 and sluggish sleepy Risa continues.🥱 And the later Risa is winning right now which doesn’t make me too proud.🙄 I am busy everyday if it is exercising, cleaning the house, cooking, taking care of the dogs, meditating, working and managing our internal supply closet (still happy to report we have toilet paper). I try to do my part by donating to feeding the front line workers and other charities but that is all I am doing – which is lame, mainstream and what I would say as not leading edge action. 👎🏻

Well with all that weighing on my shoulders, where do I land? I know there is something that will spark my inner calling but until then I guess I continue on with my small and non- meaningful goals such as: 1. Completing Beach Body Workout 21 Day Fix in less than 36 days – which is where I am tracking 🤦🏻‍♀️ 2. Gardening and actually growing something this year – started late and everything was very picked over at Home Depot. ☘️ 3. Not getting Covid after going to Home Depot where it felt like the pandemic was looming as people strolled with ill fitting masks and sweat pouring down their face. 🤧 4. Completing a book or even a chapter without falling asleep would be nice. 📘 5. Positioning my business logo so it fits my LinkIn profile page properly without getting cutoff – harder than you think.👠6. Cleaning out the garage and donating furniture that was bought in the early 2000 which is oversized, weighs a ton and takes up the entire square footage of my home.🪑 7. Maybe finding a social life again so I don’t end up being one of those widows that walk their pets in strollers (whoops too late). 😮 Well that’s all for now – stay safe and healthy and I will let you know when I figure out when my higher level purpose reveals more of itself … I know it’s in me somewhere – time to bake cookies.🍪🍪🍪

Well, it is day 47? 51? 56… I think? 🤔… who knows how long we have been in our home and not certain it really matters. 🤗 I am sure many of us may be clawing at the door to get out and back to normal but, I think we are all realizing that normal will be different than what is was before. However with all this time, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I really LIKE the slower pace. 🏃🏻‍♀️ As a matter of fact, I can’t remember why we were so busy in the first place. I mean what was so important that we were running around like chicken with our heads cut off?🐥🐣 (sorry for this reference chicks owners – cousin Laurie and Kelley) With the exception of those who are sick, or have lost family/friends to this horrible virus, could this be a point in time for us to reimagine our future and get back to our true priorities? Life potentially can be better – where we are more present, spend time with family, cook meals together, relax and sleep soundly. 😴 What’s so bad about that? 😁

With the shortages in food, paper products and basically everything else, we have all been challenged to become much more efficient in how we use our resources and identifying what we need. 🧾 I am embarrassed to admit that before this pandemic, I did not really pay attention to my consumption of plastic or how much garbage I was producing or just that I have too much stuff in general (don’t judge me just sharing in an open manner).🤫 Now, I realize that I have a responsibility to simply use LESS and protect Mother Earth. With that end in mind, I have moved to glass bottles, bowls, using dish towels and washable mop sponges instead of paper for example. I just now need to give up my overuse of Amazon. 🥺 Hello my name is Risa and I am an Amazon addict – ha-ha 📦 They really need to move to reusable cartons to help my efforts – wonder if that is in the works with them? Anyways back to my point, when I go out and take walks, I notice the purity of nature and it seems happier. ☘️🌳 The birds are singing louder, the air is clean and a general sense of harmony outside that is much more profound than before. 🦋 It’s like the animals are taking back their territory cause those annoying humans are not hogging the space anymore.

It is obviously tragic times for some small businesses trying to survive but, I am definitely seeing the creative spirit emerging daily. 👻 Companies are figuring out how to get work done virtually or pivoting their business model to the need. It is so interesting for instance, how restaurants are selling produce/groceries or Hershey (my former employer) is now producing face masks. 😷 My fitness studio is offering virtual workouts and they are still kicking my ass. 😛 I like seeing how everyone is stepping up to help each other – if it is for the frontline workers or the food banks. This is a good thing and I am certainly attempting to do my part. On a personal note, I am trying to up my game by reading, listening to diverse points of views and approaching my work in a new and fresh way. I have this great sign in my office that says .. Wake Up…Create… Repeat. Even though my daughter calls it “suburbia privileged art,” I have found this to be my mantra. I realize that what gives me energy is producing something new… if it is through HR consultation, baking or writing a blog, this is what keeps me motivated and hopefully contributing in a meaningful way to the world. 🌎 The covid outbreak is a wake-up call and it is up to us how we choose to respond. I am using this as a lesson and learning from it.

Ok this has been WAY to serious and time to move on . As everyone is rising to the cause, I have found a passion with a deeper mission … perfecting the chocolate chip cookie. 🍪🍪 Embarrassing to admit but practice definitely makes perfect if you know what I mean (wink wink). 😬 I may have or have not made like 8 or so batches of cookies – but who is really counting during these stressful times. 😳🤥 I have finally achieved the right balance of chewy and crunchy for our liking in the Borr household (Robin would be so proud). To counter the increase in sweet intake, I have been able to improve my core strength through burpees and planks – still moderately bad but definitely noticed progress on this end (no seriously I am a lot more fit). 👍🏻 I am also getting my cleaning rhthym together. I have been able to reduce the time it takes to mop my floors by 25% and achieving the cleanliness standards I desire – woo hoo. 🧹 As all these activities are going on, I have come to an intense revelation too … I have only worn clothes containing stretch since the quarantine and I LIKE IT (athleisure forever- change.org)! And the biggest accomplishment… we started with 38 rolls of toilet paper (pre- massive hording episodes in March) and still have 32 unused rolls left. 🧻 I guess in fairness, there are only 2 tushies in our house – well actually 4 (but 2 don’t need toilet paper). 🙈 Ok that is all for now… stay safe, sane, go outside and take a deep breath – it’s fabulous out there. 🌞

It’s hard to believe that my baby is turning 18 today.👩🏻‍💼 I remember so clearly when she was born – trying to envision the future – who would she be when she graduated in 2020?👩🏻‍🎓 It seemed completely far out then, like the Jetson’s (old person reference 👵🏻) and yet here we are now. Well, I am happy to report that I am really proud of her and know that if Robin was here too – he would be kvelling (Yiddish term – gushing) about her too.❤️ Of course, I never imagined there would be a global pandemic,🤮 we would be isolated in our homes and she would basically end school early without a prom, graduation or senior trip. (we will make that one up) 🥀 Funny how you can anticipate some things but not others – luckily though – the important stuff worked out OK.👌🏻 So, now that we are in lock down and it will be just the two of us celebrating her birthday, I wanted to share how special my little peanut 🥜 has been to me (and her dad)!

It was always our intention as a younger couple to have two kids because I always preferred symmetry. 👨‍👩‍👦‍👦 However, when it was time to make it happen … we just never pulled the trigger for a younger sibling. 💦 But, Robin and I never felt that we made a mistake and really enjoyed most of our moments raising Isabelle. 😍😍 There were a few that were less than awesome. 🤦🏻‍♀️👎🏻 One could say – she was not a cookie cutter kid but I guess no one thinks their kid is – do they?🍪 She moves to the beat of her own drum and that is something I always admired and still do about her.🥁

When Isabelle was a little girl, her Aunt Brandi bought her first baby doll. 👶 Isabelle, of course named her Izzy (that always cracks me up when I think back). She loved her American Girl and we owned an embarrassing amount of doll clothes, shoes, furniture and accessories. 😬🤫 The American Girl Corp.’s sales projections plummeted when she outgrew her dolls.📉 This would be her most normal childhood interest. As Isabelle continued to grow, she was curious about many things. She became obsessed with water buoys and Robin, being the resourceful parent he was, ordered a catalog and would spend endless hours taking her through the various types of buoys. ⚓️ She stayed engaged like he was reading her a storybook.🧚🏻‍♂️ We actually met someone whose brother worked for the coast guard and was in charge of water buoy maintenance. You would have thought Isabelle was told she was going to meet Beyonce.🎤 Marla (my childhood best friend) even made her a scrapbook with pictures of buoys. 📕

Isabelle’s interests quickly evolved, as most kids did, and we went through stages such as her obsession with North Korea🇰🇵 (she was way in front of Dennis Rodman and Trump), swimming and geography. While living in Harrisburg, PA , Isabelle learned to roller-skate and the rink became our hangout every weekend. She would spend endless hours skating figure eights and routines. ⛸She had a great coach and mentor, Cindy who encouraged her to compete. Isabelle was a staple in the roller rink and quickly gave back by helping to teach skating and assisting with Special Olympics. Also, in seventh grade, Isabelle joined the basketball team and that became a love for her all through middle and high school. 🏀🏀 This was a shared joy between her and Robin which was nice to witness as their bond grew by talking strategy and technique.👨‍👧

Fast forward to now, Isabelle has really matured and become a well rounded wonderful gal. 🙆🏻‍♀️ I don’t like to admit it but I learn so much from her especially in the last two years. 🤔 We have grown closer even though we are very different. She has so many great qualities and it makes me very happy that she is like her father – in the best way possible.😍 I feel very lucky and grateful to have her as my daughter and appreciate that she has been low maintenance and stayed on the straight and narrow. 🙏🏻 So in honor of her birthday and the incredible amount of time on my hands, I thought it would be fun to list my favorite and least favorite things about her (but you know even the least favorite things are pretty damn good). 🎁Wishing my beautiful Isabelle a very happy 18th birthday and a wonderful healthy and happy future. 🎉🎊 I am excited to see the next chapter of her life unfold and how she will contribute to the world.. 💌 Thanks for choosing me as your mom (you know you did!) 🎈❤️❤️

Favorite List of Isabelle

1. Funny and Smart – she makes me laugh and I am blown away with how knowledgeable she is about current events, global affairs etc.. 😃
2. Creative – she is clever and creates adorable videos, programming for BBYO, etc.. 🎬
3. Grounded – she doesn’t ask for much – not so materialistic – I have to beg her to buy a new pair of gym shoes that have a hole in them. 👟
4. Curious – she is fascinated with off the wall things – like when she went to Israel her favorite part was seeing country borders (everyone else likes the wall – not her).💡
5. Resilient – she has taken a licking and kept on ticking. She has had some setbacks in life including Robin’s death, has worked through them in a healthy way and has come out stronger on the back-end.💪🏻
6. Beautiful – inside and out – I love that she looks like her dad (but much prettier -ha) and she is a good person with a great morale compass.🤡

Not So Favorite Things about Isabelle

1. Bad Sleeper as a Baby/Toddler/Kid – I still remember those nights when I could not get that frickin kid to go to sleep. I lost major sleep time from 2002 – 2012. 😴🥱
2. Stinkbug Adversity – To this day, she can’t handle them and I have to be on call for pest control 24/7.🦟
3. Kitchen Clean-up – Our biggest fights involve her leaving the kitchen messy – drives me nuts and is my trigger. Everyday is the same argument – quarantine time is fun – not 🧹🧽
4. Cuddle/Hair Touching Avoidance – I always liked when my mom would play with my hair and cuddle me. Not this one – she runs out of the room like I have the coronavirus. 🧸
5. Freestyle Cooking – Isabelle feels following a recipe is lame and lacks creativity. I think cooking is craft and hate wasting food because of her aborted science projects without a recipe. 🛒
6. Tease – She makes the cutest videos and will show me once and then will not allow me see them again or share with my friends. There is one where she is dancing to this song when she was 10 and then now that was so adorable – nope I was only able to see it once. 🙊🙈🙉

All and all – not a bad list, even the not so favorite things are no big deal – except #4. 🧸 Ok gotta go .. I feel the need to go chase her down and give her a big kiss – talk to you later. 👄💋👄❤️

I really like this new term called “social distancing” because now I have a name for what I’ve been doing pretty much my whole life. Those who know me well are keenly aware that I love to stay home and tend to find it a struggle to actually leave my house unless it is for a run outside. 😬 Therefore, with the new quarantine guidelines, I have to admit that I am really in a place of comfort. I would say this is a strength of mine and now I can brag about it. 🤗 In the past, especially after Robin died, I have been gently advised by friends and family that I needed to get out more. Who knew that I was a trendsetter? 🥳

I had known about the coronavirus for awhile as my friends in China were being quarantined in February. However, I never thought it would spread around the world and we too would find ourselves in lock-down. 😷 The virus or at least the panic hit my community about a week and a half ago from my best estimates. All hell broke out and word traveled quickly that we better go and buy food and supplies for at least a two week quarantine. 🚚 My first thoughts were, this is ridiculous and secondly, who cares? …. we had already had a well stocked utility closet. 💁🏻‍♀️ You see, I hate going to Costco so when I do absolutely need to go, I mass buy everything in order not to return anytime soon. 💰💰🛒Needless to say, I was feeling confident with my stash of paper goods, pasta, canned goods etc.. that we were going to make it just fine. 😛And in hindsight, I am also fortunate that there was still excess supplies from Robin’s Shiva (funeral reception at the house). Let’s just say we did not get the anticipated turnout expected which led to a surplus of unwanted paper goods for nearly two years. ☹️ I mean, is it a big deal to wipe our ass with a high end napkin with an embossed print of a flower – I say no!🐒

I have been asked if I am scared of this virus and my answer is “no.’ 🧐The reason is that I have been through far worse. Losing Robin was terrifying to me and to figure out and manage without him in our life was a nightmare. The dreams of growing old together, raising Isabelle and having my partner in crime were gone. 😔 Over the last nineteen months, I had to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable. 😕 I also needed to be ok knowing that I have to support Isabelle and myself emotionally and financially on my own. To me, that was frightening! 👻 Therefore, I am confident that we will eventually contain this virus and hopefully get through it with minimal human or economic long term loss.🤞🏻

However, I would like to share some words of wisdom and observations. First of all and most important, our communities needs to stay safe and follow the guidelines provided to us by our State and the CDC. Unfortunately, I am certainly seeing many people struggle to adhere to these very basic principles but that is another story for another time. 👎🏻The real issue and challenge for all of us is to deal with change and adapt to a new set of circumstances which involves a bit of sacrifice of our personal freedom for a short amount of time. 🤔 Yet if we were all to do a little soul searching, I think this pandemic is a WAKE UP call for everyone. 😵 I think the world and our relationships with one are out of alignment. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Over the last few years, we have shown very little tolerance to differences in opinion, especially politically. 😤 I am very guilty of this one too. 🙄 People have short cords and we have seen an outbreak of violence occur almost on a weekly basis with innocent lives being lost because someone blew. 🤯 We do not respect the earth and our natural resources, we overuse, pollute, create waste which has led to very freaky natural disasters and weather patterns. 🔥💦❄️🌊💨⚡️☄️As a society we are disconnected, obsessed with social media and any other distraction to avoid paying attention to the present and one another. 🤳🏻I am not trying to get preachy, I am just stating a fact that we are not in harmony. 🎼 MAYBE just maybe there is goodness that can come from all of this! 🌈 Maybe we can slow down, re-calibrate, get back to basics and start to appreciate one another and this world a little more. 🌍 Ok, that was deep – but needed to be said. We will now move on to the entertaining portion of this blog (at least I hope you find Isabelle and my mundane antics amusing)👯‍♀️👯‍♀️

So what are we doing in the Borr house during our quarantine? Please let me illuminate our spiritual awakening here in West Bloomfield, MI. 🧚🏻 1. Waking Up – Isabelle and I negotiate who will go downstairs first and let the dogs out cause they always seem to be barking before either of us are interested in peeling out of bed. I generally lose the argument but seeing their cute pug faces is hard for me to be annoyed too long. 💩 2. Making Breakfast – I have a little routine where I let the dogs out as discussed above and then I proceed to wake up the house which includes opening the blinds, emptying the dishwasher so the kitchen is clean and ready to go. Yet in our new situation, Isabelle has thrown my schedule off. She starts cooking breakfast, piling the dishes in the sink and messing up the counters before I have emptied the dishwasher. 🥣🍴🍳This makes me crazy and we end up screaming at each other and I ban her from the kitchen. ❌ She laughs as she knows my discipline never sticks. And yes, every once in awhile she actually empties the dishwasher for me.🙃 3. Exercise – Luckily the local studios have gotten innovative and are putting great workouts online. CelyFit host our normal zumba and weight classes which I am doing in my new gym studio (which is our converted back room). 🏋🏻 It is serving us perfectly. I am able to hook up my computer to our large TV screen and sound bar – and it is awesome. Isabelle and I do spend some time together as we exercise to the Beach Body Workout or Orange Theory. When the self quarantine breaks, we will be ready for our bikinis with our six pack abs (well at least she will be – not so much for me). 👙Also what has been amazing is the weather although a little cold, still a perfect alternative. Getting outside to run or walk is incredible for your mind and soul. Since the virus, I have seen Robins (birds) all over the place making me believe that everything is going to be OK. 🦅4. Working From Home – Oh and then there is that. Probably not the best time to start a consulting group but I have been staying busy as I develop tools, marketing, contracts, networking etc.. It is nice to reconnect with former colleagues and friends and see how I can help out. I am starting to get traction and that is very exciting for me. 👩🏻‍💼 5. Podcasts, Reading and Learning – What a great time to learn new things. This is a once a lifetime opportunity to study stuff you never had time for in the past. I have been learning about marketing and maybe web design – who knows – probably not. 👩🏻‍🎓 6. Meditation and Yoga – I have been meditating and doing yoga for awhile but find it especially comforting now. For yoga, it is my personal goal to improve my balance and loosen up. I find myself taking online classes with that dude who has been doing yoga forever – Rodney Yee (he is so zen). 🧘🏻‍♂️Also I have been going through the class “Hip Hip Hooray – to increase flexibility in my hips – funny title and a little embarrassing but what the heck. 🧘🏻‍♀️ 7. Emotional Isolation – This is what happens when you have a fairly large house and a teenager.🧍🏻‍♀️I go for hours on end where I do not see Isabelle. She is sequestered in her room or some other part of the house. It feels a little strange so I try to suggest at least one hour a day for together time. 👩‍👧She rolls her eyes and tells me I am overreacting. 👀 We are still working on this one and our common ground has been about a 20 minute workout every other day together. More to come on this front as it is definitely an opportunity for improvement. 8. Inventory – I go to my storage room and count toilet paper rolls and towels to ensure we have enough supplies for the apocalypse. ✍🏻🧻🧻🧻 Ha ha just kidding wanted to see if anyone was reading. 😛

Back to being serious, I know these are unsettling times and we need to find a little humor and patience as we get through this apart and together. 👥 I hope some good will happen as we take stock on what is truly important. ❤️ Enjoy spending time with your family, improving yourself mentally and physically, getting rest and following the isolation rules to lower the virus curve. 📉 Call a friend, mend a relationship, be creative, support small businesses and lets restore humankind together. 👩‍👩‍👧‍👧👨‍👨‍👦‍👦👨‍👧‍👧 We can choose to live in fear or to THRIVE – I prefer the later. 👍🏻 Let’s innovate and create something new and fabulous from this situation.💡But most of all stay safe and healthy! 👌🏻Wishing everyone peace and love. 🙏🏻❤️

I made a promise when I started writing this blog that I would be authentic and real. So with that commitment, I am going to admit that in late January many of my old wounds from Robin’s death opened up again.😮 You see, I learned by an email to our subdivision that my next door neighbor had unexpectedly passed away. He left his wife and four children. I just could not believe that my neighbors would have to go through everything Isabelle and I experienced just a year and a half ago. As I was dealing with the shock of his untimely death, we also all heard the terrible news about Kobe Bryant, his daughter (and so many other precious lives lost) just a few days later. These awful events threw me right back to the morning my life changed forever. I felt sorry for the widows and all others affected by these tragic losses. I wondered if I was just living in a false sense of reality that was easily knocked down when someone became a new member of the widow/widower club. It made me realize that mourning is certainly a journey and sometimes you go two steps forward and then three steps back. It was an eye opener for me having truly believed that I was beyond these setbacks. 😦

On a lighter note, I have been working towards starting my own HR consulting practice.👯‍♀️ It is my passion to help organizations realize their business strategy by employing effective solutions that ensure their workforce is motivated and aligned to deliver for the organization. More on this later… but talk about feeling outside out of your comfort zone.⚠️ I have worked in large global companies my entire life and I really have confidence with my technical expertise yet starting a business is a whole new experience.🤷🏻‍♀️ Thank goodness for friends and family that have walked this path before me.

A few weeks ago I became obsessed with finding a great name that would represent my new consulting brand. I took an entire weekend to brainstorm and annoy friends who were being helpful and polite as I sent random texts at all hours. 🥳. Well after about 70 ideas, a few false positives, deep meditation, perhaps a whole order of Jet’s crazy crust – I found the ONE! I will reveal it once things are official but let’s just say I have the website domain and paperwork has been submitted. 🎁🎉🎊

Which leads me to the next important piece – my professional image. I quickly realized that my sad picture on LinkedIn – shot by the famous photographer – Risa Borr (selfie from iPhone 7) was not going to get the job done for me. 🆘 I finally decided it was time to get professional head shots that would send just the right vibe.…I am creative, straightforward yet highly competent and skilled yet not so serious and formal yet not too casual and not too old but definitely current. This was a tall order that was not going to come together without the right crew of make-up, hair and photography professionals. 💄🧚🏻‍♂️🏋🏻‍♂️💰 Boy, do I miss those days where you could just look great without trying. NOW – you have to really try but look like you did not try at all. 🤬 A clever balance that I have just exposed to my large following for the blog. 😛

So to my last point as this story still unfolds, I went to Nordstrom to find that perfect jacket to wear in the head shot and I was feeling good until I visited the dressing room. 🙀Nordstrom really tries to provide a great experience for customers especially when they are trying on clothing. They have these mirrors that basically catch every angle in the convenience of your own dressing room. Earlier that evening, I had gone out to eat with my girlfriend Renee and believed I had worn a super cute and slenderizing outfit. However, one trip in front of the mirror told a completely different story. I was horrified as I examined my rear end in this 360 view – my self confidence deflated.📌 I guess long sweaters don’t always hide your large ass. 🐳🐘🐖 Now in fairness to Nordstrom, at least they have a great ambience.💋 I won’t even give Macy’s a try cause their dressing rooms are always messy with that old fashion florescent lighting which makes even a super model look heavy and pale.🤡 Ok, let’s move on … I bought the jacket ignoring the whole dressing room situation and pretended that my mirror at home would make everything all better. I am happy to report that my home reflection knocked ten pounds off and trauma neutralized – yeah !!!👍 Well stay tuned for the final reveal of both my fabulous business name and headshot. For those who know it already – keep it on the down low until I am official.🤞

So … that was my month – a few highs and still many lows as I tackle this bumpy road.🥃 One day you want to laugh, the next day you want to cry and the next day you want to ban department store mirrors! 😕 Sending much love and support to My neighbor and her kids. Rest In Peace my friend and say hi to Robin. 😇🙏🏻

Happy New Year everyone – it is very hard to believe that it is 2020! I remember in 2002 when I was holding my newborn daughter,💗 I tried to determine what year she would be graduating from high school and after a drawn out calculation, I figured out it was 2020!👩🏻‍🎓And now here we are and guess what?… if you hang in there long enough with me, you can read about my future nervous breakdown when I have to send my one and only child off to college. 😭 Ok, I don’t want to talk or think about it right now because we have an exciting year to let unfold. So we are going to put my impeding empty nester trauma on the back burner for now. 🧨

As many of you read about in one of my posts last year, I bought an electric snow blower and I was very proud of assembling it on my own (well I actually got a small assist but I did about 97% solo).☃️ It had been sitting in the garage just waiting to make its first appearance. Well, last Saturday with a snow fall of 3 -5 inches, which felt more like 8 – 10 in my backyard, I was ready to officially blow the snow. Of course, I had an obligation to ensure my sweet pugs had a little path to do their business outside.💩 I learned the hard way last winter that if I don’t provide them some grass to go potty on, I am setting myself up for a very frustrating day involving lots of cookies and trips outside to avoid any accidents on the rugs. 🐶🚸

I love my house but the only easy access to get to my yard is through one door in my den.🚪 The backyard is this great sunken oasis of privacy which is wonderful during the summer and hosting awesome parties.🥳 However, in the winter it is a very different story to get to the backyard. Let’s just say from my garage, you have to walk stairs and then are greeted by a gate that is very difficult to open. Robin and I decided to go with the cheap gate guy and thus a bit of the quality was sacrificed which manifested into a hinged door that doesn’t open smoothly without some manipulation.🕺🏻 Therefore, my point of all this is, that getting the snow blower from the garage to the backyard poses two unpleasant alternatives: 1. Take it thru the deep snow, up a steep hill, opening a gate that most likely is blocked by accumulation and then walking it down several stairs to get to the patio 👎🏻OR 2. Drag the snow blower through the house after the cleaning people have left and messing up the freshly mopped floor. 👎🏻 As one would guess, I chose option 2 and tried to mitigate my risk as best as I could. 😬

Lucky for me, Isabelle was awake Saturday morning and I figured she could assist me with the blower transport through the house and be part of my snow removal crew. Of course, she chose to lounge downstairs in shorts and no socks because that is appropriate attire for a freezing snowy day in the middle of winter – NOT!🤦🏻‍♀️ And as expected, she offered limited service to me because she could not go in the garage wearing her summer outfit.. yada yada yada. 👙🕶So I got all bundled up, I pushed the snow blower across the kitchen and also grabbed my new indoor/outdoor extension cord bought specifically for this occasion. I shared with Isabelle that she needed to stick around to help me get started. She reluctantly agreed. I began by plugging the cord into the snow blower to get this party started.🔌 Little did I know that the blower required a two prong and I bought a three prong electrical cord. Ugh… may I also add that I specifically bought this cord because it was suggested by Home Depot’s fabulous AI on the website .. thank you very much.👋 I asked Isabelle to see if we had another cords with two prongs. Upon delivery, she informed me that she was going upstairs and I should text her if I needed anything else – otherwise known as bailing on me.📞The cord she provided looked like it was an electrical hazard since it had a significant amount duct tape on it and probably had some war stories to share if it could talk. ⚠️ I was certain I would get electrocuted but I was going to take my chances because I was committed to getting this done.⚡️

I went to plug the cord into our outside electrical socket and it was time to finally get started. I pushed the button and drum roll…. NOTHING – no power.❌ I figured that the plug outside was not working so I tried using an indoor outlet and again and the same results. Employing my great problem solving skills, I found my phone charger and plugged it into both outlets and there was power. Crap.. my snow blower doesn’t work… figures!🤬 Cue the music that plays when something goes wrong in a sitcom.. wa wa wa waaaa.🎼 I took a deep breadth to calm down convincing myself I had definitely been through harder obstacles than this one. I decided to seek help by watching a YouTube video on how to start the blower but there was no guidance. It was like there was an assumption that any idiot could start this blower without instructions – need I say more?😳

Then I looked at the start button and it clearly said – push and engage the safety bar aaah… that makes sense. So I tried and voila … it started. I was ready to finally go after about 40 minutes of the above antics. I then paused and took a moment to feel sorry for myself. I am really not cut out for outdoor work… I am not mechanical and I hate being in the cold!😕 I want to be inside sipping on a hot cocoa and watching my man out there handling it like the stud he was .. confident, quick and knowing. He would never had any of these problems I just experienced. I gave myself another minute or so to lick my wounds and then back to business.😋 I pushed the button again and grabbed the safety bar and started blowing the snow. My sadness turned into exhilaration as it actually worked well and I created a path while the snow flied out of the way. I pushed back and forth with ease and then I heard a bad sound … I had hit rocks and saw a piece of my brand new blower left behind in the snow. 🗳 Whoops, yet quickly remembered I had a warranty and kept on moving… I will deal with that issue later.

Once I was finished, I came in the house drenched and I mean soaked! Isabelle was no where to be found. I took off all my wet clothes and had to find a dry coat, hat and gloves to take my dogs outside. Now my pugs are not lovers of the snow either but thank goodness they also have food issues and would do anything for a cookie. 🐶🍪 We went outside, down the path and onto the patch of grass that I cleared for them. They quickly did what they were supposed to do and I got a clean sweep – pees and poos from both gals.💩 Mission accomplished hooray – I would admit not so smooth, but got it over the finish line. 🏈

So the deal is I am trying to be this independent woman who takes care of everything, but it is not always so easy. I am awkward and not well equipped with everyday life skills. Clearing a path in the backyard should have taken 15 minutes and as usual it took me over an hour. This is the story of my life… I am really trying but it takes so damn long.⏱ I am constantly on a major learning curve and have to factor in 4x the amount of time that normal person would generally need.

Robin has been gone about a year and a half and Isabelle and I have fallen into a nice routine. Don’t get me wrong, we miss him each and everyday but the sadness has generally faded to endearing memories. The only exception is when I have to take on new responsibilities that I really don’t want to do, such as blowing the snow.😖 But I have realized that I am resilient and have adopted the mantra “you do what you have to do.” I just wish I would have taken more interest when I had the chance to learn home maintenance such as operating a snow blower. It is a really good skill to have especially when you live in Michigan.😛

I feel Robin with me all the time and I know he was probably cracking up watching me with my Saturday ordeal.😇 But I also know he is proud of us and can Rest In Peace knowing we got this.. .whatever is thrown at us .. we got it ! (that is if we have no time constraints)💪🏻 So I declare another victory in the Borr house on a snowy Saturday afternoon. Chicks rule and let’s hope there is no more snow this winter!!!💋❤️

I was inspired to write this blog post after reading I Hate My Neck by Nora Ephron. My friend Michele suggested I try it out for a good laugh and Nora did not disappoint. (May She Rest In Peace) 😇 I believe Nora and I would have been great buddies if we had known each other. Her humor and observation of everyday life was so relatable and clever. One chapter of her book discussed the toils of hair care and it got me thinking about the lifelong struggles with my mane. 👩🏻‍💼

Throughout the years, I have enjoyed a head full of curly, frizzy hair. It worked out well because in the 80’s and 90’s, big hair was the rage and I was all in. 🦹🏻‍♀️ I was able to add two inches to my height with very limited effort. I never gave my voluminous style much thought until much later while reviewing pictures from the past. It is quite horrifying to see how bad my hair looked after a moment spent outside. Humidity found me and gave no mercy. I have posted an example above for your reference. The things I do for ART!🎨 As an aside, my profile picture (small round one) was highly doctored and a fluke of nature. 😘

Needless to say, as I have grown older and experienced life, my hair is no longer as thick as it used to be but thank goodness – my frizz did not go away – yeah! 🤗 Now my issues are different as I try to adjust to thinner and sort of less curly hair.🧐 I spend at least one hour a day washing, drying, straightening, curling or thinking about my hair. 🤓 My friend Marla always seems to have time to entertain these philosophical discussions and she is convinced that I have not found the right hair products to use. 🧴She tries to share what works for her but lets be honest, her hair is gorgeous, full and completely different than mine. I know her intentions are from the best place but all I am thinking is “cut your hair bitch and send it to me, I can paste it on my head.” (Just kidding at least about the bitch part)✂️🐶

Since this is a blog about being a widow, I do need to incorporate my sweet late husband Robin into the narrative, so here we go. One of the romantic things that Robin used to do for me was buy a stack of magazines every time he visited Costco, which was a little too often for a family of three. 🛒 Yet, it was our special tradition that I looked forward to. In May of 2018, he brought me home the Magnolia magazine (big fan of Chip and Joanna – Fixer Upper) 🏡 and I was excited to check it out. As I was flipping through the pages, there was a women featured who had the cutest curly-ish bob haircut and I thought this maybe a perfect new hairstyle for me. 💇🏻‍♀️ As an aside, she was also holding a fabulous wooden basket for vegetables which I decided was perfect for me too. 🧺OK, that had nothing to do with the hair thing but was noteworthy and a little nostalgic. Getting back to the story … I had not really ever known a world without some type of layers in my hair and I was ready for a change. I asked Robin what he thought and of course he had no comment on the matter other than full support.🕵🏻‍♂️ He always refused to participate in the situation – it was a no win dilemma and he learned never to offer an opinion. He was so SMART.. .. I miss that about him.. ❤️

I shared the vision of growing my hair out to one length with my hair guru and friend Pavlina. She encouraged me to go for it and has been supporting my dream ever since. So here is the problem, I have been working on this hair goal for over a year and a half and I am still not there yet. I never thought when I set this objective that I was committing to a multiple year endeavor. I really wanted to be on trend like the sixth Kardashian sister. ( Kourtney, Kim, Khloe, Kendall, Kylie and Risa) 💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️💁🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ However, now it has taken so long that the my worst fears may becoming a reality soon…BANGS… yikes🤦🏻‍♀️. But I have gone too far and I am not turning back even if it takes my till I am 80 years old to achieve a curly bob. 👵🏻

I am embarrassed to admit how consumed I am about my hair. I never heard Robin or any other man complain about a bad hair day. I know the gripe maybe more basic like actually having hair or not but that is legitimate and I must give props to the guys out there.🧑🏻‍🦲 I am very happy that I have hair, please don’t mistake this for not being grateful, I just wish my hair was not such an independent spirit. 🧚🏻She does not take orders from anyone or anything. 💃🏻I can wash and conditioner her carefully, dab dry, use expensive hair balm, maneuver a high end brush while blowing so carefully. I can finish off with a fancy no frizz hair spray but it just does not matter. Everyday is a new experience and I am just along for the ride I guess. 🚕 After years of spending thousands of dollars on hair tools, products, cuts (not including my hourly rate which would probably double the estimate above), I have just concluded that I need to divert my attention to something that I can actually influence like world peace or climate change haha. ✌️🖖🏻🌎

However, with that being said, I have taken a page out of the Robin’s playbook, which is wear a baseball hat. 🧢 This bypasses a lot of trauma and time. I think my guy was onto something.🤭 So hair I am done whining … YOU WIN!! 🏆Just one little favor? Can you grow a little faster with a little less frizz and oh a little thicker and shiner? 🗣 Yep that is it! THANKS. 😉 OK… going to grab my hat now and conquer the world – bye bye 👋 🎩

One of the values that was instilled within me since a young age was the importance of work.✍🏻 As a child, I witnessed my parents logging long hours to provide for the family and I unfortunately found out early, sometimes things don’t go as you expect. Having lost my mom when I was seven, it always stuck in my mind that “shit happens” and you need a back up plan. 😕 To me, ensuring that I had enough money and could support my family was an important safety guard. ⚠️

As far as I can remember, I always had a job, if it was babysitting, folding clothes at my aunt’s boutique, dishing out food in the dorm cafeteria (embarrassing) 🙄or waitressing at a bar where your tips were in portion with how tight and short your shirt and skirt appeared. 💋👙🧳 Yes, I admit, I found myself going to work in ill fitting uniforms. Hey, I needed to be efficient with my time – return on investment (ROI) baby!!! 💵💵💵 Anyways, my strong work ethic continued as I pursued a career with long hours – minus the slutty clothes.👩🏻‍💼 I liked having meaningful roles and getting rewarded through promotions and gaining new responsibilities. When Robin and I decided to have Isabelle, we agreed that he would stay at home and I would continue my professional journey. I was happy to be the lead income as I really liked what I was doing and Robin was more acclimated to home and kid tasks. We made a good pair and it really worked for us as I have shared in previous blogs.😀

However, after Robin died, the joy of working changed for me. My priorities shifted and I knew I had to become more focused at home and being a parent to Isabelle.👩‍👧This was Robin’s sweat equity and I was not going to let him or Isabelle down. Upon reflection, I have to admit that I lost perspective for many years when I was out being a career girl on the importance of face to face time with Isabelle. There were events, game and quiet moments that I missed out on because I knew Robin had it covered.🧐 Only recently have I realized that I probably was away an few too many times and I regret not being tapped in. These days I am trying to be grateful for my life all that has happened may be our higher powers giving me a kick in the ass to pay attention to the things that matter. 🙏🏻😇 This leads me to the actual content of today’s blog which is taking down time to recalibrate and spend quality time with Isabelle before she leaves for college.🚘

If you were to ask old Risa – pre Robin’s death – being unemployed would have completely freaked her out. However, it feels completely right now and I want to make the most of this opportunity. 😎 I have embraced being uncomfortable and vowed to set personal goals and just go for it. Yet, the one thing I did not anticipate is how much I like not working. 🥳 I used to be so JUDGEY wondering what the moms’ (and Robin) did all day without a job when their children were somewhat independent (or aka.. in school most of the day) 🤨. I finally realize they were onto something that I never knew until now and it is fabulous – I love it!❤️ The only problem is that people ask me what I am doing with my time off and I can never truly articulate how full my days are … I am way to busy to work and that is for sure!!!🏃🏻‍♀️🏃🏻‍♀️

So what have I been doing? Well first of all, coming from a business world, I had to set priorities for myself. I mean I am a HR practitioner for g-d sakes! Here are my goals in no particular order: 1. Get Healthy (eating and exercise); 🥒2. Enhance relationship with Isabelle; 👯‍♀️3. Be a Traditional Mom (cook, clean, go to school stuff and pugs); 🍳4. Explore Spiritualty and Gratitude (the guiding force that has gotten me through these challenges); 🧚🏻‍♂️5. Pursue starting own business (HR consulting or writing a sitcom); 🦹🏻‍♀️ 6. Expand creativity (this blog, writing, learning) 🤓and 7. Having Fun (do things that I never had time to do, meet new people). 🤗

With those heavy goals … I am definitely down the path and on track with most of them well kinda maybe – ok not all. 💯1. Getting Healthy – I workout most everyday (Run, Zumba, Orange Theory, Yoga, Weight Training – love it) or feel guilty one the days I don’t; Eating Healthy (could do better but not entirely horrible but a little too carb heavy). 2. Enhance Relationship with Isabelle – We are finding our groove; Binge watching Madam Secretary (Season 5 and there are a ton of episodes – Elizabeth is a bad ass and our best shot at a democratic presidential candidate – please run); We went to orientation at MSU 💚and then enjoyed a fattening milkshake after (her idea); I am receiving political tutorials on presidential candidates from Isabelle and Bill Maher. 🤴🏻 3. Be a Traditional Mom – I am keeping the house in order; Continuing to purge unwanted stuff and donating it; Cooking for Isabelle (with her commenting last night – you don’t need to cook so much for me – I like to do it myself) – not sure how to take that feedback and; Assembled an electric snow blower following ambiguous instructions. 🌧🌧3. Awakening/Spirituality – I have been meditating daily and getting certified to be an Intuitive Practitioner (my current homework is cleaning chakras); Also wearing a lot of beaded bracelets – ha ha. In all seriousness really getting connected with source and gaining clarity. 4. Expanding Creativity – I am still blogging (and you thought I was gone); Exploring new recipes; Gardening (or was); Listening to podcasts for inspiration and business ideas and 5. Having Fun – I am hanging with my other unemployed friend Gilma and enjoying spontaneous lunches, shopping, long walks with pugs, massages, facials and just screwing around. 🛍🛍

If I put all frivolous stuff aside, I know this is an important moment and I am going to make the most of it. I am trusting my gut instinct and just not worrying about unemployment – at least – not for now. I am about one and half months in and feeling like I making some progress with my goals. It is time for me to get introspective and examine my life including strengths and areas for opportunities. In the past, there were responsibilities that I automatically punted to Robin and I think it is time to make up for lost time. I want this time to be special for Isabelle and me. I need to ensure she is well prepared and confident in her next steps as she transitions to college. I also want to make sure that I have no regrets as I too move forward.

So as a recap, I am enjoying being unemployed and recognize this is a short window of time for me to focus on Isabelle and myself. Although I cannot always articulate how I am filling my days, there is one thing I can confidently say… I may not be working but I am WORKING. In conclusion as this is getting very long…. I highly recommend it to anyone (who is fortunate to be rich or receive a generous severance) to stop and take stock of your life. Wishing everyone a very happy and healthy Thanksgiving. Talk to you soon or when I can find time to blog which is in fact one of my goals. Peace Out for now.