Grieving – What are the rules?

As a parent I think everyone can agree that we strive not to screw up our kids and hope they grow up to be stronger, smarter and more evolved than us.  We want to shield them from all bad in the world and unfortunately I could not protect Isabelle.

Isabelle was really close with Robin and for those who do not know, he was the stay at home parent.  When Isabelle was born, the Borr DNA had clear domination and her similarities to Robin still hold true even today.

Isabelle had planned to be at camp in PA for about six weeks.  Over the course of the summer, we received the typical amount of  teenager communication which was minimal at best.  Here is an example,  I would write How are you doing?” and she responded fine.”   Robin laughed at me and suggested I should back off and let her have fun.  Upon his advice,  I agreed it was time to chill and finally admitted that my little girl was very independent now.

She had been away for about 4 weeks when Robin casually mentioned that he spoke with Isabelle and had a very nice long talk.  I was happy to hear she made contact with him and kind of bummed that she chose to call dad and not mom.  Little would I know that was a blessing in disguise.  After Robin passed away, Isabelle shared that she did not know why she gave him a call but enjoyed their discussion and felt as a sense of closure.  As I replayed this story in my mind,  I believe there was divine intervention on how some of these events played out.

Isabelle was scheduled in August to go to California to participate in the Maccabiah Games (Jewish Olympics for teenagers) and she wondered if she should still go.  I told her there were no rules when it comes to grieving (phew.. sounded like I am wise even though I was winging it).  I shared that her dad would have wanted her to carry on but whatever she decided was perfectly fine.

So if  you thought having the sex and drug talk was difficult, try having the death one!  I knew Isabelle would be experiencing conflicting feelings including not being so sad and that was ok.  I turned to my undergraduate psychology background to attempt to deal with these uncharted waters.  It was always very important to Robin and I that we raised a confident and secure woman.  Now that Isabelle no longer had her dad, a recurring discussion with Robin flashed in my mind.  I would tease him that it was mandatory that he be fully present in her life to avoid “daddy” issues in the future.  We would laugh as we declared that we did not want her to turn to the pole for therapy.  This is stripper humor – haha –  seriously, all due respect to the women and men who have chosen this profession.

Ok back to the story, Isabelle decided to go to California after all and ended up calling me immediately. She was so excited because she received her basketball jersey and her number was 44!  We both knew it was a sign from Robin as his birthday was April 4th.  I also recently heard that this number symbolizes a guardian angel is watching over her.  Weird huh?

Throughout the last two months since his death,  Isabelle has felt like she has whispers from Robin and that brings a sense of calmness and comfort.  Last Sunday,  she volunteered to help with a marching band event at her high school.  She texted me that the band was playing an old familiar song  “Pretty Fly” by Offspring.  Robin loved this song and would serenade us from time to time with the lyric  … pretty fly for a white guy.

So all in all.. I am super proud of Isabelle’s maturity and resilience as we move forward.  We can anticipate many ups and downs to come however, there is one thing I know for sure,  she is her daddy’s girl.  I am very lucky to have her and in turn him with me.

2 thoughts on “Grieving – What are the rules?

  1. Beautiful Risa!!! I was so glad to see you today!!:)
    You are an amazing writer!!!!
    Good luck tomorrow, I hope you get to connect with Robin somehow. If so, tell him I miss him too!!:) ❤️❤️❤️


    1. Thank you so much and really appreciated our discussion. I am so glad that Robin was special to you. Thank you for the free haircut.. meant the world to me. Looking forward to going out for coffee.


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