When I became part of a couple, it sort of gave me permission to slow down on self-improvement. Let’s face it, I got the guy and I did not have to try as much (ha ha). I will be the first to admit that I became comfortable just being married and acting like a mom and a wife. Robin and I settled into our quiet life which involved those mundane daily activities such as going to the grocery store, cleaning the house, shuttling Isabelle around and playing with the dogs. After a busy week at work I just loved coming home and chilling out with Robin. We had fun hanging out together but we also gave each other space too. My guilty pleasures included reality TV, long runs, shopping online for stuff I did not need and other shallow habits that I did alone and would never admit to anyone else. I guess what I am saying is that as a couple, we were dull together and it was perfectly fine with us.
Flash forward, it has now been three months without Robin and I have developed a certain pattern which helps me stay sane and keeps my head above water. I suppose when your world is turned upside down, you gravitate to things you can control such as a schedule. It brings me comfort to have a rhythm which keeps me productive at home and work. I wake up every morning, bounce on my trampoline (Tony Robbins says it helps your lymphatic system – who knows), take a shower, clean my room, make sure Isabelle is off to school, let dogs outside and give them their pills, open blinds, go to work etc… On the weekends, I have a small deviation where I cram in all my errands, exercise for insanely long periods of time, pay bills and bicker with Isabelle to put her dirty dishes in the dishwasher . . yada yada yada.
My days are probably not too different from most folks however without Robin, I am completely bored with myself. I have realized that I am just not that interesting and that is not a good position to be in these days. So as I move into the next phase of my life, I don’t want to be that sad widow who occasionally gets invited to dinners with her couple friends (Yes Renee, I wrote this before you called me for us to go out next weekend and I am excited for us to get together :). I need to figure out what’s next and this frightens me. I have to step out of my comfort zone and be motivated to follow through with whatever I decide to go after. Let’s be honest, my track record is not the best, coupled with my desire to stay home most nights, doesn’t make my probabilities of success look all that great. This is going to be an uphill battle for me.. yikes.
This weekend I started thinking about the areas of improvement and what could I do? Here is the initial brainstorm that has not been committed to yet: Cross country ski, join a running club (or a walking club for those that see me running and then tell me – Oh I saw you walking the other day – ugh), learn to play piano again, read and actually know things, write a book; volunteer for a cause that makes me passionate, go to a yoga retreat, learn to really meditate, win mega millions, travel (active vacations), spend time with Isabelle (and believe she is enjoying it too – ha ha), learn how to successfully invest my money, take tap dancing again and complete 20 burpees without feeling like the old and out of shape gal at Orange Theory.
As I said, these ideas above are the first things that came to my mind but I have to be honest … I am very scared to take the next steps. I know I need to push myself as there is a life lesson for me. When I connected with Robin last week, the medium told me he wants me to live my life to the fullest and I am going to really try.
Ok, another comic relief moment, as I am writing and trying to be profound about my insecurities and fears, reality has smacked me in the face. I am sitting here with three sleeping pugs and I smell something bad and I swear it was not me! I guess it is time to stop with my deep bull-sh-t and let some dogs out. Wish me luck and I don’t mean about the mystery farts.