Not The Best Week

I vowed that I would be as transparent as possible in this blog and share what was going on with me in order to help others and let’s be honest… maybe myself too!   So being very real, this has been a hard week for me.  I suppose my brother’s death opened old wounds or watching my sister-in-law Marcy have the same sad eyes I had four months ago, knocked me back on my healing journey.  This widow experience is tough and seeing others you love having to deal with it too, really has affected me.  All and all,  this has not been the best year for our family and  we are anxiously awaiting 2018 to be over.

Grief is funny, it sucks the life out of you and at times makes daily activities unbearable.  For example, every morning I wake up,  get dressed, open the blinds, throw a lunch together and take the dogs out before heading to the office.  Normally not a big deal but this last week felt like I was scaling the Himalayas.  Attending meetings, making decisions and just living life took every bit of energy out of me.  My poor colleagues had to deal with periodic bursts of sadness and volatility all week.  Even my new boss expressed concern that I looked tired and lacked my normal enthusiasm.   It was a fair comment but let’s be real,  I was having a hard time feigning excitement as I shared the recruitment status of our Plant Manager searches in Mexico.  It just doesn’t seem so important anymore in the scheme of things.

In the midst of all these emotions and to finish off this week,  I received an invoice from the cemetery.  Order grave blanket  for your loved one before winter arrives.  The invoice provided several payment options including a $300 discount for annual ongoing  perpetual care ( all seasons maintenance).  As I reviewed this new bill,  I looked out the window watching a very dreary cold day emerge.  It seemed  like mother nature and the cemetery had conspired to create the perfect scenario to manipulate my emotions, and  bank account.  I  felt like such a schmuck questioning if these bills were ever going to end and honestly, is perpetual care important or not.  I know if I could have asked Robin, he would definitely tell me to use the money some other way and blow off this invoice.  But being the gal that I am (filled with Jewish guilt),  I wrote a check for 2K because Robin deserves the best and a well maintained grave even if I was skeptical about this service.

I am thankful that I had life insurance as death is an expensive business and making these decisions would be much more difficult if I had not been planned for it.  I highly suggest that everyone purchase life insurance for your family.  It really alleviates unnecessary stress around these add-on services that you would never expect to need  but feel guilty about if you decline them.  So as I shared,  I made a choice to buy perpetual care and forgo a much needed vacation like everyone else in my extended social circle.  Instead I will be visiting the cemetery to make sure that Robin has a blanket.  I hear tourism to Michigan In December is the new trend.. whose with me?  Hey Now!

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