Guy Stuff and Single Motherhood

Happy New Year Everyone!  I am writing you from Star Lincoln as I wait for Isabelle’s car to get an oil change and tire rotation.  It’s Saturday afternoon and about the last place I want to be right now.  I decided that I was going to be positive in 2019 and let life just unfold for me and grab onto all the new experiences that come our way.  However, this was not what I meant by embracing new adventures.   I feel bad for myself as I sit here alone in the waiting room knowing this was part of Robin’s husband job description.  I never had to worry about car maintenance and other mechanical and electrical problems, didn’t even know they existed.  Robin would make sure that my gas tank was full every week, the snow was shoveled and the gutters were cleaned – things were just managed and that was that.  I guess I consider myself a somewhat feminist on most things such as equal pay, rights, etc… but this stuff is JUST A GUY THING. 

I came to the dealership because Isabelle’s tire pressure was low and decided that I should also have her oil changed while I was here.  The service representative suggested that I  get the tires rotated to help with stability, wear and tear.  So you can imagine that this new recommendation caught me off guard and not knowing what to do, I just said “OK”.  I am not sure if he saw the fear in my eyes or sensed he had a sucker in his office who could provide an upsell opportunity to boost his commission, but the truth of the matter was, he was right on both accounts.  He could have suggested to give the car a complete gynecological examine and I would have said yes to that too.  I mean do people who lease cars invest in rotating tires?  It didn’t sound familiar but who knows?  Luckily I am a concierge member and the first checkup was complimentary as I try to figure out the answer to this question.

Since Robin has passed away, I have taken on duties such as changing batteries in fire/carbon monoxide sensor (generally in the middle of the night after annoying chirping sounds); replacing our sump pump; water proofing and rerouting rain water under the driveway to the drain.  I feel so vulnerable wondering if I am getting the right advice, paying a competitive price or actually solving the problem.  I am really out of my comfort zone.  I now read articles about cleaning gutters, replacing air filters and insulation.  Where is Risa and how do I get her back?  I can no longer be clueless and do not have the crutch of just relying on my husband. No more of acting as a damsel in distress and having my white knight save me… boy I enjoyed it.

While we are talking about venturing into new territory, serving as mother and father to Isabelle has been interesting too.  Right now we are definitely deep into the DADDY zone.  She has started basketball season and I am the mom who knows the least about this sport as I watch with all the other basketball parents.  I used to sit with Robin and let him take the lead while I played on my phone and checked Facebook.  I miss him screaming at the referees in his borderline inappropriate kind of way where there was always a slight chance he may get kicked out of the game. When there was a call he did not like, he would clap really slow and loud and then scream “NICE CALL REF” in the most sarcastic tone possible. The parents found him amusing and he was a crowd favorite causing many uncomfortable chuckles.  After the game, Robin and Isabelle would debrief and he would provide her a summary of her and the team’s performance.  Now, Isabelle turns to me to continue this ritual and finds my input less than satisfying.   I tell her she looks great out there and nice shot.  She replies, I wish dad was here, no offense but you do not know what you are talking about.  Busted… she knows mom is an imposter – my cover has been blown!

As we head to almost 6 months without Robin,  I would have to say Isabelle and I are doing well (Bev too).  But there is a definite a gaping hole in our hearts and lives.  I miss having the convenience of  my guy who who just took care of the garbage, cars, the house, sports and late night runs to satisfy my cravings and whims.  But most of all, I miss his personality, humor, smarts (he just knew everything) and how kind and loving he was to us.  As I reflect, it is a huge void for us but still have immense gratitude and appreciation that I had him even if it was not long enough.   Still feel like #oneluckygal with the exception of having to DO THIS GUY STUFF.

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