Since I have been back from Miami, I have been thinking about Robin a lot. I just miss him so much and also need to come to terms that it is time for me to start planning his unveiling. An unveiling marks the first year after a loved one has passed for family and friends to gather at the graveside for a ceremony to unveil the tombstone and honor the deceased. It is so hard to believe that he has been gone almost 9 months.
As the weather has begun to change and finally showing hope that there will be a Spring, it has been nice getting to know my backyard again. Every morning I take the dogs out to do their business and have been greeted by a bird. Robin had always loved birds and would share pictures and stories of his sightings when he was alive. I never was that into them as I generally associated birds with unwanted messy poops on my outdoor furniture and auto windshield which involved lots of scrubbing or car washes. Since he has been gone, I guess I am more observant and/or embracing his interests and have started to notice wild life in our backyard. For the past few weeks, there seems to be a bird that has been lingering and almost try to get my attention. Call me crazy but this cute little creature with a red belly, feels like it is Robin. When I looked up pictures to identify my friend, it was what I expected a … Robin Red Breast. Now, for the non believers out there, you have to admit this is a little coincidental.. don’t you think? I may be grasping at straws or becoming a kooky widow but I like to think that I am in tune with the greater universe and my love. Now, let’s transition to less cosmic topics..
As I have shared many times before, I enjoyed being married to Robin and liked the partnership we had with one another. It was nice to have my guy, best friend and someone to share dumb daily occurrences together. I loved just having our couple jokes, tickling him because he hated it or just being stupid and laughing uncontrollably. We really had fun just doing nothing. I know I can never get that back but I do want to develop a different relationship in the future. With that being said, I am not quite ready, but starting to get curious 🙂
In a low and bored moment, I began trolling on some on line dating services just to see what is out there. I decided to visit an over 50 dating site as that was age appropriate. Before you can view anything, you had answer some basic information and I thought, who cares, they probably want a credit card which I won’t provide, so there is no harm. I filled in my email and a short questionnaire – meaning really limited information and moved to the next screen wanting to see a preview of available bachelors. Once I had access, I took a quick look and they were generally from cities that I never heard of in Michigan. Most of them were not close or educated so I quickly got off the site and did not give it another thought. Next thing I knew, I start getting emails from men looking at my profile. I was thinking… how? I don’t have any pertinent information or even a picture. After a few minutes of basic investigation, I realized that the dating site grabbed a google picture of me from circa 6 years ago… 😦 I was horrified and confided my predicament with a friend. She shared with me that the dating website was actually TINDER for old people. OMG this is getting worse by the minute. I am not sure if I am more mortified that these guys think I want to hook up or their low standards as they were attracted to a very outdated picture (clearly could tell by the hairstyle) 😦
After getting over the immediate disgust, I began receiving emails from names like “Working Man, Zeko, Lakelab and Shoot2thestarz” who wanted to meet me. How the hell do I get out of this nightmare? It is so embarrassing and gross too! The final straw came when I received a phone call from a matchmaking service. The representative began telling me that online dating was dangerous and his service was completely safe. He said that his company does not share my personal information and then I asked .. well if you are so safe and reputable then how did you get my number?” He said from that dating website. I gotta admit that I have reached the ultimate low and felt like the biggest sucker on the internet. I shared with my potential matchmaker that I was a recent widow and was not ready to date. He felt bad for me and said he would remove my profile – who knows what really happened? I can’t stop feeling like I am completely compromised and will probably end up getting chopped up in a million pieces by Kojak123.
Ok, so how do I recover from this debacle? I think I am going to continue to lay low and work on myself in hope that sometime soon I will be able to open myself up to a new relationship without getting murdered or humiliated from online dating. This is just not my scene and don’t think I am ever going to make a connection this way. I guess the best advice I can get is to listen to my little Robin Red Breast and hope it just works out when it is supposed to happen without me pushing the timing. I know Robin would be amused with my stupidity. I hope I am giving him a good laugh at least …. Time for me to go and respond to my admirers… ha ha .. really need to figure out how to get that stupid profile down. Ugh…