Banana Bread and Supertramp

Today I was inspired by 4 overripe bananas to bake my healthy banana bread. 🍌As I went to look for the ingredients, whole wheat flour, coconut oil etc., it occurred me that this was the first time I baked since Robin died. πŸ€” I was amazed how depleted my cupboards were of the old standbys. About 3.5 years ago, I started exploring baking in a more whole food kind of way. I was intrigued to make desserts taste good but also keep them as pure as possible.🌿 Robin and Isabelle were my guinea pigs and I would say that I had a 25% hit rate. πŸ‘ŽπŸ» I played with granola, black bean brownies, raspberry squares and various fruit cobbler dishes. I would say the ones that actually made it to repeat performance was the banana bread and granola. I never let my poor performance get me down as I was going to figure this out and become a cross between Martha Stewart and Dr. Joel Fuhrman. πŸ‘©πŸ»β€πŸ³

It was nice using my mixer again and made me feel more like my old self. I even laughed a bit thinking about the story of how Robin and I decided to buy this $400 Kitchen-Aid Mixer. πŸ’°We went through a phase for about 6 months where we were obsessed with watching In the Kitchen with David – QVC. We were riveted to the TV as he sold everything from vegetarian burgers, juicers to very ugly dishes (those showed up on every show). πŸ₯£ Maybe it was David’s slicked back pompadour hairdo or the strong resemblance to Cam on Modern Family, nevertheless we found ourselves getting completely sucked in – kind of embarrassing. 😬 This guy was good and we became frequent buyers for things we probably did not need. The only stipulation Robin had was that we did not buy unless the shipping was free. πŸ“¬ It bugged him when the shipping costs was equally expensive as the product. I have to admit that his strong disdain for shipping cost did abort some potential sales for QVC from us. In regards to the Kitchen-Aid, I actually needed a mixer and hmm’d and haw about the cost. I had inherited an old one from my mom and it had to be about 50 years old and the cord was frayed and a house fire was inevitable if I continued using it. I also did not think my baking skills were worthy of a purchase at this magnitude even if free shipping was offered. But we did it anyways and looking back, it has served me well and glad we made that spontaneous decision. I really did have fun with Robin and we enjoyed the most ridiculous activities together! We always laughed and embraced our weirdness such as watching QVC on a Saturday afternoon. πŸ₯³πŸ₯³πŸ‘»

I guess the whole point of the unending story about the banana bread and the mixer is that I am healing and getting back into my old groove.πŸ•ΊπŸ» I am definitely a changed person and feel very proud of my accomplishments over the last year. Let’s face it though, the bar was kind of low.πŸ₯‰However, Isabelle and I have survived and maybe even thrived a bit too. It is such a crazy experience and there are days that I cannot believe that Robin is gone and this is how our life turned out. It is nuts how you picture your life going a certain way and it just does not always happen…. πŸ™πŸ»

So this is my 51st post and as I look back at a year, it was so interesting to review my highs and lows. πŸ„πŸ»β€β™€οΈThe truth of the matter is that time does heal however the up’s and down’s don’t seem to be leaving anytime soon. I believe it is our new reality for awhile and I guess that is ok… I wanted to make sure that Isabelle and I really experienced the loss and grieve as authentically as possible.😒 I think it is important to honor Robin and embrace that our family was forever changed on July 23, 2018. Yet now we are able to think about things fondly (well at least 80% of the time) without falling into the ugly cry. 😭 I guess that is progress and as I see Isabelle buzzing around back into normal teenager activities including not cleaning her room, forgetting everything I ask her to do … I am kind of glad. πŸ™ˆ

As I reflect about everything that has happened, I am sitting on the couch and the banana bread is baking and it smells delicious. Isabelle continues to text me asking when it will be ready. The downside of baking is that healthy recipe take like two days in the oven – why is that? πŸ€” So as I wait for the the bread to be done, it kind of reminds me of our early happy times – sitting on the couch with the pugs as they sleep and I listen to Supertramp – Take the Long Way Home. It was a good day and hope for many more to come… (by the way – colonoscopy went fine and apologize for taking it out on all of you in the last blog – not my finest writing I could never be an anorexic )

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