A year ago today, I published the first post on my blog and vowed that I would write for a year. I needed an outlet to help me work through my grief. To be honest, this seemed like a healthier way rather than drugging, cutting or alcohol🍸🔪 (just kidding). I also figured that the blog was a good vehicle to share what was going on with me and break down walls that instantly occur when Robin passed away. Everyone is uncomfortable with death and either friends don’t want to upset me or they do not want to catch my bad chi! 🤭 I get it – I was the same way. The tough part is that no one can win in this scenario because sometimes I wanted to talk about him and other times I want to just forget and be normal again. 🙄It is just awkward no matter what you or anyone else does and that is kind of the reality. I was instantly thrown into a club I did not want to join and everything changed. I just never expected that I would be in this situation so young. And on top of it – I lost a really great guy. I actually loved and liked him too! ❤️We enjoyed our life together and had a lot of fun. I mourn the loss of Robin and feel bad that he was cheated out of additional years here with us. I also mourn the fact that my dreams of growing old with him will not happen and Isabelle was cheated out of her father… ugh 👎🏻
I guess you never really know what you can handle until you are faced with a life altering event. When Robin died I had to make a choice, was I going to fall apart or was I going to move forward? 🏄🏻♀️In my opinion, I had no other option because I had a daughter to raise and I knew that she was watching me and I was going to influence the way she chose to cope with the loss of her father. Don’t get me wrong, there were times where I wanted to stay curled up in fetal position in the corner and I may or may not admit that there was some floor time done over the last year 🤫haha. But I knew in my heart that Robin wanted me to carry on and make sure Isabelle was doing well. She was his life’s work and he did not want me to screw it up.🛠
This was a heavy weight to hold on my shoulders and from all of it I have grown up quite a bit for the better. I have learned how to run a home, manage finances, multi task, be a single parent and even filled my own washer fluid in my car – 🚗that is a wow (thank you Shay for teaching me). Also my views about religion, the world and mostly all matters have shifted. I have become much more spiritual and grounded with the universe. I am absolutely convinced that our spirit never dies and life on earth is for us to learn something. Our loved ones who are deceased are with us and trying to guide us and provide reinforcement. We just need to pay attention to the signs. 🧚🏻♂️They are subtle such as a feeling, gut instinct or a coincidence. These slight nudges happen all the time and there are sent to us with pure love. We are all here to learn lessons and I believe one of my mine is how to handle loss and get back on my feet again. 👣
With all the bad that has happened there has been some good. I am much more carefree and not so nervous anymore – which is a good thing. I am more comfortable in my skin and just don’t sweat the small stuff anymore. 👻 I am more grateful and appreciative of what I have and of course of what I had. I feel very blessed that I truly had that one great love and know we were meant to be together. I also know that I have a strong network of family and friends who have been there for us and it is so comforting and reassuring to know people care and we matter. I cannot express how much I have appreciated the support we have received from all of you.❤️
This blog has been a great outlet for me to express my feelings and work out all the emotions I was experiencing on a weekly basis. I also hoped it would help other people who have or will be going through this experience. I promised that I would write for a year and this post marks my 52nd. I have written over 40,000 words and have had 4,061 views and 2,381 unique visitors. People have viewed me from the US, UK, Ireland, Israel, Japan, France, Germany, Kenya, Philippines, Czech Republic, Italy, Singapore, Nigeria, Canada, South Africa, Egypt, Qatar, India, Lithuania, Turkey, Nepal, Romania, Hong Kong, Madagascar (I know who that is), Taiwan, Greece, Ecuador, Sweden and the list goes on… I never imagined that my little therapy project would reach so many people. I hope it even helped or at least provided a chuckle.😎
The thing is that I feels like the blog has served its purpose and it is time to move on. I think my chapter two is to help others who have lost a loved one and have a desire to pick up the pieces of their life too. I don’t know exactly how I will do this however I recognize there are some gaps in resources and approaches and there are many people out there struggling with the same issues. So.. I am excited to see how I maybe able to make an impact and give hope and support to others in the future.
Anyways, as I write the last few sentences of this post, let me just once again thank you for reading and being part of my community. I am truly touched when you share your stories or how the blog has affected you. It makes all of this worthwhile. And as I end this post, I must send some words to Robin, my husband and best friend …. Thank you for the life you gave me. We were great together and from our union produced an amazing daughter who carries your ideals and shows a lot of promise to make a positive difference in this world. Although our time with one another was not long enough, it was truly the best moments of my life. You taught me how to love and be loved and I thank you for that…. I think Stevie Wonder expresses it the best and this has become my jam.. Peace and Love..