Striving For More

Since Mother’s Day and Isabelle’s high school graduation, I have been thinking about my moms, my daughter and that missing link in the middle which is ME. When Robin died, I began to explore the meaning of life and wondering if I was living up to my potential and fulfilling my purpose. It has been a real interesting point in time as I watch Isabelle begin her journey to pursue her passion and wonder where life will lead her. It brings me such pride to see her thrive and realize that she is the best version of Robin and me. She is smart, funny, empathetic, independent, creative and shows emerging leadership skills. I think back when I was her age – and honestly – she would smoke the younger me – no question about it.๐Ÿ”ฅ This is a great feeling that she is prepared to be successful to maneuver her future. With that being said, as she is moving forward, I have been focusing on discovering the next stage in my life. I must say it is …exciting, scary, stimulating, paralyzing and peaceful. I flow through these feelings like a tidal wave with insufficient surfing skills. ๐Ÿ„๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ๐ŸŒŠ

I think about the past a lot when both my mothers were growing up and wonder if they ever had non traditional dreams and if they fulfilled their purpose. Both Beatrice and Lillian were brilliant women who had careers as a French teacher and a Bookkeeper. However their main roles were wives and mothers because that was what the times dictated – and I think they enjoyed it. I mean would they tell me if they did not like being our parents – I guess not? That would be an awkward conversation. ๐Ÿ˜œ I have no doubt if they grew up now – these women could have conquered the world cause they were bad -asses and wicked smart ๐Ÿ˜Ž๐Ÿ’ช๐Ÿป. Now don’t get me wrong, I have done well with my career and hopefully also with as a wife and mother, but I long for more. The problem is that I just don’t quite know what that MORE is…. ugh.๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ As many of you know, I have started to consult and that is fun, gratifying and hopefully has the legs to round out my career. However, I am watching people that are really stepping up during this pandemic either being a front line worker, spending time to solve how to make needed ventilators or vaccines and I am sitting her in my house baking unending chocolate chip cookies. ๐Ÿช I mean really Risa? ๐Ÿ˜œ Then, I get frusterated that I have limited motivation during a time where I should be kicking my full potential into high gear. Thus, the internal struggle between righteous ambitious Risa ๐Ÿ˜‡ and sluggish sleepy Risa continues.๐Ÿฅฑ And the later Risa is winning right now which doesnโ€™t make me too proud.๐Ÿ™„ I am busy everyday if it is exercising, cleaning the house, cooking, taking care of the dogs, meditating, working and managing our internal supply closet (still happy to report we have toilet paper). I try to do my part by donating to feeding the front line workers and other charities but that is all I am doing – which is lame, mainstream and what I would say as not leading edge action. ๐Ÿ‘Ž๐Ÿป

Well with all that weighing on my shoulders, where do I land? I know there is something that will spark my inner calling but until then I guess I continue on with my small and non- meaningful goals such as: 1. Completing Beach Body Workout 21 Day Fix in less than 36 days – which is where I am tracking ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿปโ€โ™€๏ธ 2. Gardening and actually growing something this year – started late and everything was very picked over at Home Depot. โ˜˜๏ธ 3. Not getting Covid after going to Home Depot where it felt like the pandemic was looming as people strolled with ill fitting masks and sweat pouring down their face. ๐Ÿคง 4. Completing a book or even a chapter without falling asleep would be nice. ๐Ÿ“˜ 5. Positioning my business logo so it fits my LinkIn profile page properly without getting cutoff – harder than you think.๐Ÿ‘ 6. Cleaning out the garage and donating furniture that was bought in the early 2000 which is oversized, weighs a ton and takes up the entire square footage of my home.๐Ÿช‘ 7. Maybe finding a social life again so I donโ€™t end up being one of those widows that walk their pets in strollers (whoops too late). ๐Ÿ˜ฎ Well thatโ€™s all for now – stay safe and healthy and I will let you know when I figure out when my higher level purpose reveals more of itself … I know itโ€™s in me somewhere – time to bake cookies.๐Ÿช๐Ÿช๐Ÿช

2 thoughts on “Striving For More

  1. Dear Risa, you might be too hard on yourself!
    Of course, we can all do more and be better!!
    I wasnโ€™t one of those astronauts from SPACEX either, I still have to introduce myself when I meet new people:)
    But there are lot more people that donโ€™t even touch your ankles, than those who cure cancer, perform ridiculous surgeries, have super successful businesses and are just well known for their talent or ability.
    You are awesome, there is nothing wrong with how you live your life now and what you are doing with it!!โค๏ธโค๏ธโค๏ธ

    Liked by 1 person

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