Two Years and Counting

It is hard to believe that Robin has been gone for two years now. πŸ˜‡ In some cases, it feels like yesterday and other times it seems like a lifetime ago. When I look back, the pictures are outdated, and I am forced to revisit some less than flattering hair and clothing choices – ha-ha. πŸ‘’πŸ‘›The one thing I know for sure is that I am different person than I was even two years ago. Sometimes, I guess it takes a great loss to push you out of that comfort zone and evolve. Trust me if I could, I would bring Robin back in half a second. I am disappointed in myself that I took him for granted at times not realizing the hole in my heart it would leave when he was gone.πŸ’”However, in other ways, I had to put my big girl pants on and make some long-term choices. I did not want to wither away and die, I was compelled to show my daughter that life goes on. While Robin is not with us now, we should be grateful for the time we did have him even if it was too short.βŒ›οΈ He was special in that kind of sarcastic, smart, humble, funny, and charming way. Yet, the area he stood the strongest was possessing a moral compass that always pointed True North.🧭 He was a good guy and pushed Isabelle and me to be the best we could be.πŸ₯‡

Time does heal and I must say I have a different outlook on life today and it is for the better. However, I never really knew what it was in formal terminology until I heard a podcast discussing Post Traumatic Growth. I was aware of Post Traumatic Syndrome but was pleasantly surprised to learn about a framework around what I was experiencing. It sounds silly but there were times that maybe I was just going mad a bit – glad to hear that I am growing and not needing to be taken to a psychiatric ward.πŸš‘ Ok back to the concept because I know you are in deep suspense. Here is the list of positive outcomes otherwise known as PTG.

1. Embracing new opportunities – both at the personal and the professional fronts. πŸ™‹πŸ»β€β™€οΈ

2. Improved personal relationships and increased pleasure derived from being around people we love.πŸ‘»

3. A heightened sense of gratitude toward life altogether.πŸ₯³

4. Greater spiritual connection.πŸ§šπŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

5. Increased emotional strength and resilience.πŸ’ͺ🏻

Wow…. the professor went on to say most people do not experience all five … but guess what? …. I do!!!!! This is almost as good as my new FICO score (yes – I did it too- I have Excellent credit). Wait, I digress but needed to add that in and could not find an appropriate time. As I review my last two years, it is like I am a textbook case. For example, embracing new opportunities – I decided early on to enjoy new experiences including different kinds of exercising, floating in that water pod, studying spirituality, taking vacations, and just recently starting my own consulting firm. And did I mention…. I can do burpees now (immensely proud of that achievement).πŸ©±πŸ’¦

Regarding improving personal relationships – I have been selective on who I want in my life and in some cases NOT. It has been liberating and I find that I am much more present now and do enjoy those in my life. Many friendships have gone to a deeper level and honestly feel fortunate on how well I have been supported. The “widow-thing” has NOT been a big problem – thank g-d… I do not rock being a third wheel very well and luckily everyone has been super considerate. 🍷

Point three and four – a heightened sense of gratitude toward life altogether and a greater spiritual connection have been my most profound changes. I mean it seems counter intuitive but there is something so liberating and makes you really appreciate everything. I used to live in fear all the time and did not value what I had. I suppose that is a by-product of our society and community. In the quest to be the richest, smartest, best-looking etc… it is nice to be off that train ride to hell. πŸš€Today I enjoy quiet walks in nature, my friends, family, the pugs and having a lifestyle that is comfortable. I do not need more (well maybe a little more!).πŸ’° I think everyone gets my drift… πŸ›³ I feel deeply connected to Robin and the universe which I know sounds strange to most folks. Isabelle and I are cloaked in spiritual protection and light – it is undeniably there and feels like a warm hug which I cherish.πŸ₯°

And finally, increased emotional strength and resilience. When you lose someone, you do not have a choice especially if you have children. However, I would say it is like a muscle and when you exercise it – you can shoulder whatever comes your way. πŸ‹πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ I think this has especially been evident with both Isabelle and me during the pandemic. It really has not rattled us at all. Yes, it is getting a little long without not much end in sight, but I have been extremely impressed with the way Isabelle has handled it with a matter of factness and grace. We have decided to turn this into an opportunity to bond at a deeper level (with the exceptions of our fights over cleaning the kitchen).🍳Also, to get healthier by turning a portion of our house into a gym and in her terms “get shredded.“βš”οΈ In complete honesty, she made that happen and I am taking up little less space but remain a work in progress. πŸ“ˆ

Well, it has certainly been a ride with many ups and downs, yet I feel more confident to maneuver this journey. I am hopeful for the future and believe there has been a purpose for all that has happened. I want us to step up to our potential and be better and do better. And at the same time, I need to honor my main man, who always had the faith in us before we had it in ourselves. Robin, I miss and am inspired by you each and every day… RIP and all of this is because of you.❀️ – cue sappy music… 🎼🎻

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